Tri for Hope, Sacrifice with purpose

Ahhh K, the pendulum swings again

2012-01-24T12:23:00.002-06:00

After reading a friends blog, I got to thinking about how much K has progressed in the last year and a half, but how, like their son, something happens and you just get smacked upside the head, and the little house of cards comes tumbling down. We have struggled with pee since K came home. She was completely potty trained, so much so, that she very effectivly used the pee when it suited her, to get attention, to show displeasure with your clothes choice for her, and she knew it, she would give me this look and then piss her pants, wow! I don't even have words for what ran through me when she did that. After pulling out the therapudic parenting tricks of the trade, we had seemingly resolved most of those issues. But the pee remained, most notably, as soon as we put a pull up on her for the night, they gave her a free license not to have to hold it anymore (I might point out that she is wicked immune to the stuff possible because where she came from, reports have it that the smell of urine is overwhelming and I guess after awhile, you just don't smell it anymore). Seriously, pull up on, 15 min's later, pull up is wet???!! Come on! So it was time to jump into the deep end of the pool and start working on overnight toilet training, the pullups are gone and it is underwear and a waterproof pad. Amazingly, though we have a lot more laundry going on, the overnight training has helped her during the day, frequently, she would have 2-3 accidents a week at school and home and since we started the overnight thing, it is down to pretty much zero, yah!! for the little successes! There is nothing worse than pee soaked pants and underwear after they have been sitting in a closed plastic bag all day. That was until this morning when the zombie reappeared. Routine is get up in the morning, use the potty, get dressed, come down for breakfast. A quite awake K came down, was directed to the potty, stood flatly in the center of the bathroom and peed all over herself, the floor, the rug, just feet from the toilet, I found her, still frozen, standing in her own pee, staring at the wall, unphased by any of it. I know, I know, the puppet show at school yesterday freaked you out to the point that you pinched all your friends, and then everyone praising you this morning for making it all night and staying dry was too much when you have such a bad image of yourself that you need to mess it intentionally before it happens accidentally. The revised routine: get out of bed, go into bathroom, pee on your self, clean up your pee, come down for breakfast, start fresh and try again tomorrow.

Faith

2012-01-18T12:47:00.002-06:00

Faith, for me, has been a sort of love-hate relationship. With 4 adoptions, my faith has been tested more times than I care to count. I always went into each adoption overflowing with faith, but often mid-stream, I am embarrassed to say, the cup ended up empty and I would put my energy into forcing my will on the situation, not relying on God's. Then something changed, maybe temporarily, but hopefully permanently, all this practice with faith was tested when a family member had emergency open heart surgery just before Christmas. I could have cried, I could have screamed, but driving up the morning of the surgery, listening to my favorite Christian music station and hearing songs of worship and praise, it was like it all came together in this immense peace that came over me that everything was going to be ok. This huge mountain would be moved and i just needed to trust in God. And I did, and everything was ok. So I started to wonder if this deeper sense of faith was going to stick around in me for awhile. We then watched as one of the Congo adoption families lost their son after a 7 month battle with leukemia and a few short days later, another Congo adoption family lost a daughter they will never hold to malaria. As a mom, even the passing thought of someone losing a child sends a lump in my throat so big I can barely swallow, and this was no different. I sat sobbing on our bed after kissing my 4 sleeping kids foreheads one more time that night. I cried for the families but also cried out of fear of the unbearable pain of losing a child. Then my grandma died at 96 yrs old, an amazing life lived to its fullest, surrounded by children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and I praised God for the wonderful life she had lived and how her pain had been washed away and her senses restored, how she had been made anew through her baptism and faith and my heart rejoiced knowing she will see and hear the choirs of angels in heaven and that she was blessed, and that she had faith in God's plan for her. Pastel in a sea of black, light in a time of darkness and wondering.....this is my FAITH in my God and Savior.......my PEACE in a will that is His, not mine.....

Love the Higher Law

2012-01-13T14:05:00.001-06:00

What an Iconic, Inspiring, Reflective, Epic song. Surely one of the best of all time. And if this version of the video can't help touch the coldest of hearts, nothing can.. The only thing left to say is. "Love the Higher Law"

Peace

(might want to pause the music player at the bottom of the blog before watching)

A hard topic, but one that needs to be heard...

2012-01-11T12:58:00.001-06:00

We recently received this link from a friend. It a hard topic. One difficult to read and ponder. Unless you are Mother Teresa, it probably hard not to find yourself within this article somewhere, somehow. Hard not to feel guilty or angry or both. If nothing else, minimally, its an interesting read.

You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart

Peace

Happy New Year and Torching Ano Viejo

2012-01-02T19:53:00.002-06:00

I'm all for any holiday traditions that involve torching something or throwing something on the roof, so I jumped at the idea of incorporating Ano Viejo, a Colombian tradition into our family traditions. Here are the steps:

1. Make a creepy looking doll out of old clothes and set on front porch for the week after Christmas or until the neighbors start whispering things about you.

2. Write all your baggage that you want to leave behind going into the New Year onto pieces of paper and stuff into creepy doll you have lovingly referred to as Ano Viejo during the past week (you know, I wonder if Ano Viejo is cold out there...I think Ano Viejo is staking me like a creepy clown, etc)

3. Now the best part! Torch that sucker!

Ano Viejo made me reflect on the finer points of our family and what makes us uniquely us:

Our kids walk around the house singing Le Mis.

Macaroni and Guacamole are the same thing here

We took 4 kids under 6 roller skating on Christmas Eve and no one broke a leg

We followed that by 3 kids under 5 at the dentist at the same time, done, done and done

Our Colombian daughter can Ethiopian shoulder dance and loves Doro Wat

There is a great debate currently whether what T & E saw whizzing by their heads in the basement was a bat or a bird.

Everyone calls nuts "gubas", its the only Lingala word we use, even when we are speaking Spanish, they are still gubas

Our 3 yr old has barfed everytime he has drank a mango lasse at our favorite Indian restaurant so he is now on a lasse-free diet

I caught myself before finishing the 8-mil e lyrics to "The Roof is on f ire" tonight

E2 loves telling the story about the time he fell off a camel on 'opia

The quote of the day is "Mom, can I have more rootbeer float? I horked down the first one"

I love my family!

A Hard Lesson in December Giving

2011-12-21T15:39:00.003-06:00

Our December of Giving took an unexpected time out due to a family illness and a number of revised plans. We had been collecting items for a shelter for abused women and their children since December began and today seemed as good a time as any to get the items over to the shelter. E1 was down with a fever and when the other three quickly put on their coats at the thought of going out, I gladly agreed as it seems that any experiences that they can see first hand who they are giving to has a much greater impact that just sending something off in the mail. We all got out of the car and I pulled out the laundry basket with the donations. E2 carried a decoration, K carried the gingerbread house and I tried to get N to carry the oranges. She quickly decided against it and insisted she wanted to carry the barbie. I should have seen where this was headed as soon as she went for the barbie and given her something else, but alas, hindsight, we got in the door and I was a little taken aback by the tone of the lady behind the desk who barked "It's all NEW right?!!?", ah yah, I answered, she called another lady from the back to come up and get the items and E2 and K quickly give me the items to put in the basket, N, not so much...then began the drama, the tears were flowing and continued when we got back in the car. It was again a hard lesson for N about the meaning of Christmas and wasn't the first as we embarked on the December of Giving. Lots of explanations in Spanish about what Christmas is and why Christmas is about giving and not receiving. The thing I always find interesting about these talks with her is that she always tells me she doesn't have any toys. I part wonder if this is a kid thing, or if she really doesn't think anything in our house is hers, even though things have specifically been given to her and we have told her many times that clothes, shoes and toys are hers, but she is not yet at the point of believing it. Either way, this is a marathon, not a sprint and as she grows and owns us more as her forever family, this perception will change as will her understanding that giving is more important as receiving.

Luke 15:11-32

2011-12-20T22:14:00.002-06:00

As we approach Christmas, remembering the lesson of Luke 15:

"You are always with me and everything I have is yours, but we celebrate and are glad because this brother of yours was dead and is now alive again, he was lost and now found"

Ask for forgiveness and you will be forgiven and will be welcomed home into God's kingdom with open arms.

How do you spell Christmas?

2011-12-16T02:14:00.002-06:00

In our house we spell it C H R I S T.

Joshua 24:15
"If it is displeasing to you to serve the LORD, choose today whom you will serve, ... As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

3110 down.. thousands more to go.

2011-12-16T02:07:00.003-06:00

Day by Day.
Step by Step.
Stride by Stride
Stroke by Stroke
Mile by Mile

3110 miles completed on my mileage journey to Kinshasa, in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Lately I have been reasonably disciplined on getting on my trainer in the basement. Supplement that with an occasional run, and some treadmill miles at the fitness center. I am about 100 miles per week. Even at that pace. I will still be 39 weeks until I reach the DRC. Oi!!

Follow that up with the 2704 to Bogota Columbia (that might be adjusted for Bucaramanga). I've got a solid year minimum of effort. Of Sacrifice. Trials. Challenges.

But that's what this is all about. I'm not looking for a cakewalk through life. Yes a break now and then, sure. That said, the Lord gave me legs, endurance, fortitude, and if offering up some effort or soreness or aches-n-pains via some miles results in aid to even one person... It will be an effort most worthwhile for me. And so I ...

Tri for Hope, Sacrifice with purpose

Peace

World Vision Sponsor Kids Holiday Cards

2011-12-13T21:44:00.003-06:00

A little behind due to an unexpected flu bug that reared it's ugly head on Saturday, but the kids were able to put together their holiday gifts to send to their World Vision sponsor friends. Having children from four different countries and cultures it has always been on our minds the importance of doing something concrete to support another family from our children's birth countries in hopes that that family may not have to make the same difficult decision some of our children's birthparents did in order to feed themselves or other children already in their home, so with each adoption, we have also "adopted" a sponsor kid from the country they came from. Through World Vision, as we saw when we met our sponsor child in Ethiopia, the families are not given handouts, but opportunities for schooling, businesses and clean and safe drinking water that they themselves run and maintain. In the area our sponsor child from Ethiopia is from, their main staple is false banana, which is a terrible tasting starch with little nutritional value, many of the children are malnourished. World Vision's work in the area has brought in a multitude of vegetable crops and fruit trees that are being grafted and sold for profit by residents in the area such as our sponsor child's grandfather who he lives with. In addition, he is also able to go to school and even showed us some of his school work when we met him after getting over the initial shock of all the ferenges! So the kids spent some time making Christmas cards and a care package for their sponsor child from their birth country and really took the task to heart knowing their friend will enjoy the package they packed for Christmas.

Toy Drive

2011-12-11T20:17:00.003-06:00

December 10, 2011

The kids spent Friday night gathering up toys they don't play with to give to children in need. They really did well parting with the toys and made a lot of the decisions themselves without much prompting. E2 jumped right in and helped papa sort through items. E1 was clearly more attached to some of the items even if they hadn't been used in quite some time. Most of the girls things are pretty new as we really have only had girls toys for about a year, whereas the boys toys have been accumulating since they were babies, but all in all, we had a trunk full of toys that will hopefully be loved and cherished for years to come by new families. E1, E2 and K helped papa drop them off Saturday morning before soccer at the fire station. Great job guys!

Refugee Family Daycare

2011-12-08T20:04:00.003-06:00

December 8, 2011

E2 and I volunteered today at a refugee daycare for kids learning English. They were pretty much adorable and we had a great time playing around. Having a daughter from the DRC, I could see some real fear and trauma in their faces and could feel the isolation as some of them look at the toys as foreign objects, unsure and unable to socialize with their peers and engage in play. E2, was pretty much a non participant. I had talked it up ahead of time as him being my helper, but once in the room, he made a bee line for the matchbox cars and never looked back. He did help clean the tables after snack time, so that technically qualified as "helper", but beyond that, he was pretty checked out and I think he was thinking and wondering when I might bolt for the door leaving him in the room full of kids that spoke little English. We are on the schedule again for next week but perhaps in a different class room, we will see. They will be doing a Christmas concert the following day which I imagine will be interesting with a class of trauma and fearful children trying to sing in English. A pray is going to be needed before that one. The strangest part of the day happened when we were coming back from the gym and a little girl passed us in the hall, she is like the identical twin of K, same age same built, same face, same hair, it was unnerving, she had a good 10 lbs on K, but still, a bit freaky. Unfortunately, as we left, a killer migraine was coming on and with no excedrin in hand, the 40 min. drive home was a nightmare as the migraine was raging by the time we got home, causing me to collapse on the couch and beg E2 to come cuddle with me which he would for 30 seconds until he decided he forgot something and would get up elbowing me in the stomach.....relaxing time to rest my head....ehh, not so much. Managed to hit the dollar store and stock up for our care packages for our World Vision sponsor kiddos which should be a fun activity for the weekend along with the toy drive.

A December of Giving

2011-12-05T21:29:00.003-06:00

This December, we are doing something a little different. As the kids are getting older, it becomes more and more important that we live by example. So this December, we are seeking out opportunities where the kids can be directly involved in showing love, care, compassion and giving of themselves to serve others instead of just sending money. This journey started out as 12 days of giving, but with school schedules, that looked to be pretty difficult, so instead of setting a number, we are going to call it our December of Giving which kicked off tonight. I hope you will follow along with us as we learn by trail and error what work best and what lights the fire of 4 kids under the age of 6!

December 5, 2011 - Animal Shelter Volunteer Night

N helped on the Saturday before to pick out items to donate off the animal shelter's wish list. T packed up the gang after school Monday and we headed out to the shelter. The boys went with papa first to walk a few of the dogs while the girls and I settled in in the kitten room playing, cuddling and socializing the new kittens. The staff brought K and N an older kitten that one of the team thought was too far along to becoming feral and would be difficult to adopt. The girls both took turns petting the kitten. The vet was very happy at how the kitten responded to them and their touch. The boys stayed a bit in the kitten room after walking the dogs then headed into the adult cat room as that room was more active and the boys enjoyed playing more with the cats. One of the cats hopped on Teds lap and refused to leave, I said I think he thought, if I don't move, maybe this sucker won't realize I have permanently affixed myself to his leg. The girls and I headed over after a bit and loved on the older cats, one missing an eye and others clearly abused before they came to the shelter. One was an unbelievable look alike of my cat zoiee it was almost creepy. I think at one point the kids thought I had actually taken her to the shelter and that she hadn't died. After some poop scooping, it was time to hit the road as there was homework to be done. Overall, it worked well with the 4 kids and they listened to the instructions and followed what they needed to do for the most part, the only almost catastrophe was when E2 ran into the adult cat room and left the door wide open trying to get me to help with his jacket... luckily, no one escaped, at least I don't think so.......

World AIDS Day - Spread the TRUTH!

2011-12-01T09:08:00.000-06:00

Turn off music before playing

Today's Therapeutic guide to Parenting

2011-11-30T00:56:00.001-06:00

Rules to Live by, at least for November 30th, 2011 at 1:02 am

fun before frustration
sympathetic before sarcasm
accepting before anger
serene before screaming [yelling]
thankful before tirade

Others?

Lost. But almost back in the Saddle

2011-11-21T23:58:00.001-06:00

After an Epic period of inactivity (I'm not a complete and utter fitness maniac, far from it), we are talking just over 2 months. Wait I take that back. If you ignore the 6 runs (mostly under 6 miles) that I did upon returning from Colombia, its been over 3 months. I've decided to stoke the fires and try to get back into some kinda shape. No not really training for anything. Just need to get that piece of the Trivial Pursuit pie back into it place. Balance. You know.

While I've still not really broken through on the running, I have managed to get into a quasi routine into taking some cardio classes at the fitness center. Plus I've dusted off, and pumped up the tires on the trainer in the basement. I've road enough that all my "old" saved Prison Break Episodes are over. I can't bring myself to ride to kids movies, though I enjoy many of them. So I borrowed "Lost" Season I.

I've never watched a single episode. I was also interested, but it seemed like one of those series where if you missed a bunch of it, well, you'd be lost. So now I've got my video's to watch. And I'm getting the blood flowing again. Hopefully enough to get the metabolism up just in time of the Holidays season grazing.

So I was Lost. But now I'm found. Ok ok. that was bad. How about this. I'm back in the Saddle again...

With a cough cough here and a sniff sniff there...

2011-11-12T20:15:00.003-06:00

We are still here if anyone is still reading this! LOL! It has been a tough fall with the battle of the illnesses around here. Poor N is so behind on her vaccine schedule, the first round hit her with about a 104.5 fever as a result of the MMR vaccine (we believe) but whose to know for sure given that a virus was going around that same time with the same high grade fever?? All I know is that none of the rest of us got it so I'm blaming the MMR. Exactly 4 days after she had the Varicella vaccine, E2 got shingles, oh that little man was in a heap of pain, 2 nights with ear plugs for mama and very little sleep trying to comfort him as he cried through the night. Turn out, not all that uncommon for someone who had the chicken pox when he was a month old! We also had our first conference with the early childhood center for K. Their IEP evaluation was really accurate and they are really getting a sense of what works and what doesn't work for her. I am continually amazed by the whole Early Childhood Center staff and program. They really "get" her and have put some many things together , I am just blown away. Maybe it's my engineering mind, but I never felt the explanation of "insecure attachment" was the be all to end all explanation of her behaviors we were given by her therapist. For example, one of the things we could never figure out was why she would just out of no where, bite another kid. It made sense when she was in some sort of disagreement with the person but the random acts never made sense to just explain away as her feeling insecure. As it turns out, she has trouble reading faces. She gets happy and sad, but emotions like excitement or surprise, so reads as mad. WOW! Its like the light went on and in my engineering brain, it all makes sense. She wasn't randomly attacking these kids, when she saw them running for a toy all excited, she very well perceived their expression as mad and a threat so she was protecting herself! There have been many more of these nuggets over the past few weeks and I feel like a lot she is making more and more sense to me and how she reacts to situations. Its all good stuff.

I am trying to put together some form of a 12 days of giving for the kiddos for December. I got the idea from another Congo mama who did it last year, but am having trouble coming up with 12 things that would be meaningful and interactive for our young kids. There are certainly not a shortage of needs, but many of the volunteer activities are better suited for older kids. Like they love animals but I figure an animal shelter would let a 3 yr old around stray animal? Looking for some creative ideas if anyone has some.

Forgiveness - Is it enough?

2011-10-25T12:19:00.003-05:00

We were talking the other day about forgiveness and my heart and mind immediately went to thinking of K. It has been a hard few months for the two of us. So much of Colombia with her was about survival for me. It was a difficult situation with all the stressors from our Colombia adoption, to be therapeutic parenting one daughter while trying to bond with the other. Not an ideal situation in the least. And I have probably second guessed my decision to keep K in Colombia the entire time about a million times at this point because I am having trouble seeing what it accomplished. I had the patience of a saint with her for most of the trip, calmly singing to her and talking her off the ledge while she raged, scratched, hit and basically took out her anger and frustration on me. Coming home I just felt I needed a break. I had swallowed everything she had thrown at me and just couldn't take any more. I asked myself again and again, had I forgiven her for trying to make my life a living hell in Colombia and the answer was always yes. Its not like she was doing it on purpose, she has so little control over herself and her emotions that it all just spilled over in fits of rage. Yes, I have forgiven her. But I realized the other night that I needed more than just to forgive her. I had built a wall between us. While I LOVE having my 4 yr old slam her head into my chest hundreds of times while screaming at the top of her lungs so all of Bogota could hear her, I had reached my limit and the thought of doing a time-in with her so she could beat me up again was just something I couldn't even force myself to think about less doing. Forgiveness is one thing, but opening my heart to let her beat the breath out of me is another. Then I realized, she can't heal without my love and I can't love her though this wall. So my only option is to let the wall down and open myself again to love her though the hurt and pain she will try and drag me down with. I stopped the other day and watched her, wandering, expressionless at the Pumpkin Farm while all the other kids laughed and played and for the first time, since we got home, saw the brokeness under the anger and felt the wall between us coming down.

Untitled

2011-10-19T12:23:00.000-05:00

Update from a Walled Castle

2011-10-13T13:00:00.002-05:00

Sigh...big sigh....every week I look forward to spending Thursday on some great adventure with E2 and I find myself today logging into work and writting a blog post as we impliment a new disipline technique in the family which entails putting up a wall between yourself and the offender until they attone for the their actions. So we are going on 4 hours and while E2 plays unaffected, I am on the verge of tears missing my day with my little man. Yes it is necessary, and yes it is needed. E2 has gone too far with what papa and his teacher call his stubbornness which I am pretty sure it rooted in the trauma he experineced in his little life, but alas, here we sit with the hours ticking by and no budging on his side...sigh...big sigh...On a lighter note, K is settling into her 3rd preschool in a month after the other two could no longer deal with her behavioral problems. This is a smaller home daycare and seems to be a better setting that doesn't lump her into a 4 yr old catagory, but addresses each of her needs at the level she is at. We also completed her assessment through the early childhood program at our school district and YAHHHH!!! She qualifies for services!!!! 2 1/2 hours every day! We had a long meeting yesterday with so much info provided I thought for sure my brain was going to explode afterwards but the plan that they have for her to meet goals was dead on and we have great hopes that working wiht the new daycare, our behavioralist, and the school district that she will have the resources she needs to grow and mature and fit into a class room setting. Now onto the next issues which is that our 4 yr old aka E2 is the size of a 2 yr old and hasn't grown in the last year. So off we will go in December to a gastric specialist to try and figure out what is going on with him. I am hoping they find he has a stubborness bone stuck in his digestive track and if they remove it it will not only cause him to grow but give his aditude a kick in the pants! A girl can dream can't she?? Oh yah, least I forget our newest N, who is doing great in school and picking up english faster than a speeding bullet, she was knocked down by that wicked virus going around and peaked at 105.3. How do you say ice bath in spanish? Girl was NOT happy. She's on the mend for now, but has lots of vaccines to go, so I imagine it is going to be a long winter with the vaccines knocking her immune system down and her picking up every cold and illness know to man. Last but not least E1, who got a shining report from his teacher at our conference this morning that had little to do with his achademics. I know, he is AWESOME, I know, he is AMAZING....that's my E1!

Jonah oh Jonah, what can we learn from you

2011-10-05T09:44:00.000-05:00

Interesting Reading of the day for today. I've heard it before, perhaps many times. But perhaps this is the first time I thought about it for a second. How true for me, getting upset over things I didn't create. things I didn't nuture. things that were then taken away. How easy for me to get upset over the good things in life, that appear to be free, but then are taken away. Unlike Jonah, I dont become "angry enough to die". Surely angry at time. A good message to take what we are given, and to be thankful.

Today's Reading of the day...

Jonah 4:6-11 6 Then the LORD God provided a gourd plant.^* And when it grew up over Jonah’s head, giving shade that relieved him of any discomfort, Jonah was greatly delighted with the plant.7But the next morning at dawn God provided a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered.8And when the sun arose, God provided a scorching east wind; and the sun beat upon Jonah’s head till he became faint. Then he wished for death, saying, “It is better for me to die than to live.”7But the next morning at dawn God provided a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered.8 And when the sun arose, God provided a scorching east wind; and the sun beat upon Jonah’s head till he became faint. Then he wished for death, saying, “It is better for me to die than to live.”9But God said to Jonah, “Do you have a right to be angry over the gourd plant?” Jonah answered, “I have a right to be angry—angry enough to die.”10 Then the LORD said, “You are concerned ^* over the gourd plant which cost you no effort and which you did not grow; it came up in one night and in one night it perished.11 And should I not be concerned over the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot know their right hand from their left, not to mention all the animals?”^*

The (Little known) 8th day of Creation.

2011-09-27T21:54:00.000-05:00

The (Little known) 8th day of Creation.

Then God said: Let the Avocado (created on the 3rd day) be smashed and blended with other gifts. And so it happened, the fruit from the tree, was smashed an blended with the spices and fruits of all the best trees and plants.

God called the creation, Guacamole. And saw that it was Good. Very good.

Evening came, and morning followed—the eighth day

The NEW normal

2011-09-20T12:48:00.002-05:00

It has been almost 2 weeks since we arrived home and it feels like the chaos is actually starting to die down. The school routine is back on track (sorry about the late payment daycare! oops!) and the kids are settling down to the routine. Things are back in swing at work and the house isn't totally a disaster area. Given this, I wanted to do a post of a few things from the last few weeks:
1. I proved that it takes 6 weeks of speaking a foreign language to start dreaming in that language. A couple of nights after getting home, E2 came in our room and woke me out of my Spanish dream, I continued half asleep speaking to him and calling in a girl none the less in Spanish before i woke up and realized what I was doing.
2. 4 kids is a LOT of kids. I don't know for sure why going from 3 to 4 made it seem like they are everywhere, but every time I turn around, someone's calling "mama, mama" or I am tripping on them under my feet. Going anywhere is like herding cats as they scatter in ever which direction and sitting in the gaz-bo at night watching them on the jumper make me think the neighbors must be wondering if we are running a daycare. Its all good though because I am also getting 4 x's as many hugs!
3. The dishes, the laundry, need I say more? I have never seen so many skid marks in my life and if we could all stop throwing our tp in the garbage can, that would help also, we arn't in Colombia anymore people!
4. Speaking of Spanish, in my infintate wisdom, I decided to share some of the Catholic doctrine with our new daughter last week at church not remembering that i really don't speak Spanish well enough to explain Catholic doctrine to a 5 yr old, I am pretty sure she now thinks we are all vampires and are going to try and drain her blood.
5. We have been busy also channeling Uncle Buck. With N's picky eatting, we have been sending her to school with some unusual lunches which usually include a halved avocado. T is having fun imaging her opening her lunch to the gasps of the kids around her who are probably wondering what her parents were thinking when they packed her lunch that morning.
Thats it for now from the home front! Just sitting back and enjoying family life and working on getting 4 kids loaded into the car in less than 20 mins! Boo-yah!

Family of 6

2011-09-16T12:51:00.002-05:00

Hard to believe we have been home from Colombia for just over a week. So much has been going on, it has been hard to keep track: transitions to school, transitions to work, catching up on everything for the last 6 weeks, my head is spinning and I keep forgetting school drop off locations or to sign kids in and out. I don't want to jinx it, but N has been doing amazing. It was summed up by the administrator at school yesterday when she looked at me and said "You guys are really bless, she is incredible!". I just replied "I know". When I think about all she has been through in the 5 years of her life, I am in awe of her. I have to credit the amazing foster family that cared for her over the past 3 years. We will forever be grateful to them for their unconditional love. I pray pray pray, when N turns 18 that we will be able to find them and thank them in person.
I will say, after bringing home our 3 yr old from Congo and the developmental and behavioral issues we are working through with her, even though I knew N was our daughter from the min. I saw her name, I was terrified that we would have difficult emotional and developmental issues to overcome. It is true that God only gives you what you can handle (and I think God knows we can only handle one K!). He knew N would be perfect in our family as an older sister to K and someone that could show her the joy of playing dolls and just plain goofing around. It warms my heart when I see N grab K's hand and yammer something to her in Spanish and lead her off to some sort of adventure! Not sure why God chose us to raise these amazing kiddos, but I am humbled, truely humbled that he did.
It is hard to believe that we have spent the last 7 yrs of our marriage (over half the time we have been married) working on the adoption of our kiddos. That is planning, research, paperwork (oh the paperwork), doctors appointment, social worker appointments, more paperwork, travel, bonding, saving $$saving $$saving, praying praying praying then waiting waiting waiting....I am exhausted just typing it. It is almost like the end of an era. As an engineer, I am an obsessed timeline tracker, and because of that, our adoptions have been incredibly emotionally draining to me. It is an amazing feeling to know our family is complete. And when I tell people that, I always preface it by saying that if God doesn't think so, he better scream pretty loud because my hands are now permanently over my ears and I am yelling "I can't hear you!!"

Adoption - A story behind the story

2011-09-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

This article was shared with J & I be an awesome "Therapeutic Mom". If you are wondering what in the world is a Therapeutic Mom, when sorry, but that will have to be a post for another time. Try searching google, for "therapeutic parenting". Anyway, as we are adjusting to life as a bigger family, and trying to get "into" school. We are faced with some challenges. Quite honestly, we don't know what the solution is or where the road we are no on is taking us. We have one of two "leads" to follow up on, so we are not without Hope yet. Its unlikely to be a friendly and fun journey either, heck not that it has been thus far. I know that I found this article to be particularly.... interesting. It doesn't offer tools, or solutions. But it does put into light some perspectives that Adoptive Parents have a very difficult time trying to share with family and friends.

http://nysccc.org/adoption/realities-of-adoption/

Boys! Mama is Coming HOME!

2011-09-03T08:48:00.005-05:00

God was with us yesterday when we stopped in the ICBF office for a Hague required last paper and the director had left her cell phone in a cab and was no where to be found. Just as we were about to leave, she ran in multitasking like crazy and signed the paper! We headed in terrible traffic to the embassy and because it was Friday before a holiday, they we taking visa applications and we were the only family there! Courrier from the lab with the doctors report hadn't arrived yet...bummer, but we were able to call on my cell because it didn't have a camera so it wasn't confiscated and found out hte lady was also stuck in traffic but had just arrived at the gate! Another blessing! N was interviewed and it was quite cute. He asked her her name, and who was with her to which she responded "mama". Then he asked her where she wanted to go and she said "yo quiero ir a Los Estados Unidos!" and he asked what she was going to do there and she said "jugar! (play)". He asked if she ws going to go to school and she relpied "No!". We both laughed. Visa will be ready after the holiday and we have rebooked our tickets! Boys! Mama is coming home and there better not be a pile of laundry waiting for me when I get there!

Just Buy Another Pair of Shoes

2011-09-01T21:12:00.003-05:00

So your in Colombia and find out the immigration requirements just changed on August 15th regarding turburculin testing and you are the trail blazing family that has to be the first to figure out the new system.....just go and buy another pair of shoes

Yah, you arrive at the only embassy approved lab at 7:00 in the morning after a 45 min. taxi ride, stand in line to get in only to find out the only lab approved by the embassy doesn't do the new test that is required....just go and buy another pair of shoes

Sure, the new policy requires you to hold your daughter down while a tube is stuffed down her throat even after the x-ray is clear.....of course, just go and buy yourself another pair of shoes.

And the lab thinks the sample MUST be for a culture because who in their right mind would order this test for someone who is asymptomatic so they ignore the order voiding the first nose tube torture on your daughter who screamed and cried the whole time....just go and buy another pair of shoes

And after 4 days of tortuous forced coughing, sampling, poking and proding after the doctor suggests that the testing must be easy by now and you feel like punching him in the face....cry your eyes out when they tell you the last sample is sufficient so the entire hospital staff can see you, your daughter can wonder why you can't stop crying and the cab driver will think you are crazy...and go buy yourself another pair of shoes......but not just any pair of shoes, a pair of shoes that will be good for kick ass!!!!!

Justice is a dish best served... On wheat?

2011-08-29T11:50:00.002-05:00

As if the family didnt have enough going on. I got a jury summons. Repeated calls to ask to be deferred fell on deaf ears. Spent the morning with 150ish of my closest new friends trying to avoid falling asleep while waiting and waiting and waiting, and oh yeah. Waiting some more. In the end, they did not need many jurors, so many of us were sent home. But not before being told we could still go down into the dinning hall to pickup our "jury" sandwiches.

So there you have it. $10 and a turkey on wheat for a 1/2 of day of sitting around.

Whats in a Basement...

2011-08-28T21:53:00.003-05:00

Its been on the todo list for gosh. over a year I guess. But I was always curious as to what a basement remodel, a whole heck of a lot of sweat equity, and some necessities would run. I finally tallied up the costs for our basement remodel.

$4,224.25 Was the total. I must admit that I'm pretty impressed. Considering the extras, and some issues that came about. Now I'll have to admit. The costs of the paint and the super discounted area rugs are not included. So I dunno. Tack on another $100 to $150 tops.

Some breakdowns. about $1786.91 of this cost was the flooring and underlayment. 42% of the overall project costs. Ouch! But we wanted the nicer faux stone laminate flooring. Its looks great!

The ceiling cost about 781.56, or about 19% of the overall costs.

The cost of new tools (heck what would be project be if you can't land yourself some new tools. For me the biggest was biscuit jointer. LOVE IT!!) was only $156.16. Even Jodie can't complain about that.

The rest was for 2x4 lumber for framing, the can lights, electrical supplies, etc etc.

Oh yeah, one of the most important breakdown. about $10 in candy. Mostly Spree and Twizzlers as the checkout aisle in Menards. Hey a man has to eat!!

Whats in store? A master bathroom remodel. Something tells me that $4224 is not gonna cut it, but you never know. We got J, the master tile layer on board. So except for new fixtures, its just some basic rewiring, the extend of the new drywall will be determined. Cost for a dumpster, and possibly a plumber thrown in for final hookups. Stay tuned in 2012!

Court Report

2011-08-28T15:05:00.007-05:00

N and I flew back to Bucha last week for our big day in court. I expected some big Peary Mason type court room with a judge in a robe and huge bench with a gaval, but in reality, it was an office in the court room so there was no shock and awe. I was suppose to have an official translator there as i kept hearin T in the back of my head saying "don't be stupid J, ask for a translator, what are you going to do if he asks you something and you can't answer?". Well the translator never showed up and the attorney said the case would have to be postponed unless I could prove to them I understood Spanish. Oh poo! Our translator assured the attorney that I understand Spanish PERFECTLY! I thought I was going to have a panic attach right there in the middle of the floor. Sure, I had on my cute red Colombian shoes and sure I can understand my 5 yr old, but a judge and legal munbo jumbo? That is a whole new ball game. So they hand me the documents and ask me to start reading out loud at the counter. Ok ok, all looks good, names spell right, I understand.....first test passed, next onto the judges room. N is so undone, she hates any kind of office buildings and freaks out. I tell the attorny if she throws a raging fit, i wouldnt be able to focus on the translation, luckly, they buy her some snacks and when we are called into the judge's office, she is content to sit in the chair and chomp on her snack. Window is open and noise from the street and the door is open with noise from the office, I pull the chair right up to the judge's desk and lean way in, direct eye contact and listening intently to every word....he says he will speak slowly so it is easier for me to understand him, good I am thinking. He goes through our responsibiities toward our daughter quickly and they starts talking about how young and pretty I am???? Hands me the paper to sign and we are done. The attorney cant believe it and makes it sound to the translator that i bewitched him or something crazy. I am turning a hundred shades of red while she is talking afterwards. Telling the story afterwards I realized that in my intent to make sure I was clear on everything he was saying, my body language could have been sending a WHOLE different message...OOPS! Must have been those hot little Colombian red shoes! That's my story and I'm sticking to it! We are officially a family of 6! Now we just need to figure out how to get her back into the US!

Reading of the Day

2011-08-25T13:35:00.002-05:00

Shared with my from E1's Godmother.

Reading of the Day ...

Psalm 116:1-2 “I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.”

Peace

When is a punch in the face fun?

2011-08-24T20:16:00.002-05:00

A punch in the face is fun, when the alternative is a kick in the groin, a club to the stomach, and a rock to the head. At least thats what devastating news feels like today. Please pray for our family. That we may be reunited very soon.

EL Penol!

2011-08-24T09:45:00.003-05:00

Ok, continuing on my Medellin addiction, I wanted to tell you all about El Penol! I highly recommend going there if you are in Medellin. it is about an hour and a half drive from the city, and it was a great way to see the country side. We even drove through a town that had a livestock auction and got to see all the cabelleros in their traditional wear. The countryside is beautiful, farms growing all different vegetables, so many colors. The road was an adventure. Many landslides blocking half the road and areas that half the road had been undermined. El Penol is a giant rock sticking up out of no where. They say there is more below the ground than above. My sis and I decided we were up for the adventure with a 4 yr old and a 5 yr old and 649 stairs to the top! Lets not forget the 4 yr old is in therapy for her legs! Yes, the zig zag pattern in the photo is actually the staircase. When we first saw it, our hearts dropped, part out of fear of the height of it and part because i think we were both thinking how the He double toothpick are we going to get up that thing with 2 little kids. We laughed pretty hard when our guide told us that it takes most people about 20 mins! funny lady. We started up and it wasn't too bad. N was really excited the first few flights, but then it wore off quickly and she kept reaching up for me, and i kept suggesting we stop and rest as much as they needed. Sis stayed behind with K who was making good progress but a bit slower than us. After probably about 40 mins, we were at the top. The view is amazing! The whole valley and town was flooded to construct a dam that provides power for all of Colombia and parts of Venezuela and Argentina. It created these islands and wicked cool lake front properties. We rested at the top for ice cream and some photo ops, and then I made the mistake of suggesting N and K climb on some rocks for one last picture. Well long story short, N slipped on some loose gravel. It didn't seem too bad, but then, the blood, oh, the blood, there was a piece of glass that had sliced her knee wide open. Oh CRAP! Sis went for water as there was dirt everwhere and N was beside herself with all the blood coming down her knee. I used the toilet paper we had for emergency to slow the bleeding, then had to use all the Dora bandaides to cover it. Then reality sunk in, how in the HE double toothpick are we going to get down! No she couldnt walk and yes, I carried her down all 649 steps with the exception of about a dozen that we slide down on our back sides. My legs were shaking and as we got closer to the bottom, I started laughing and couldn't stop, I am not sure why, I was in so much wicked pain, but it struck me really freaking funny at the time the ridiculous situation we had gotten ourselves in. Sis carried K about half way down as she was exhausted. The next two days after, I had to throw my legs up and down stairs because they hurt so bad. What an adventure! A short boat ride and we were on our way back to Medellin. Unforgetable day!

Good bye Bucha for now and HELLO lovely Lady!

2011-08-19T17:09:00.003-05:00

After wrestling N into the airport kicking and screaming and a barf fest on the way into town, we left our apartment digs in busy town of Bucharamanga after two and a half weeks and arrived in the beautiful city of Medellin. At one glance, i decided i am going to punch any adoptive family who is adopting from Medellin and dares complain about spending 5 weeks in this place. It is pure paradise! At the same time, I am super sad for all the Bucha families that only see Bogota and Bucha....like my boys :( . I am not regretting the decision to come here for one min. and would encourage other families to do the same, even if it is only for a few days.

We had an amazing time here and missed so much. It is easy to forget we are not on vacation here and that there are things that need to be done in Bogota, so alas, we will head, begrudgingly back to Bogota then back to Bucha and will remember our days here fondly as we will surely return when the kids are a big older.

Tale of the Giant Bug

2011-08-15T06:41:00.002-05:00

So of course the boys arn't around and N drags me into the kitchen and points at the hanging laundry at the end of the room. I look bewildered at the laundry wondering what the heck she is saying. In all my spanish, I have never heard this word before. She repeats it more insistantly and I walk over and start wondering if she want to change into one of the dresses hanging on the line. I pull each one forward and she say no no no. I come to one of K's red dresses and she gets all excited. I tell her tomorrow she can wear it but she is still shaking her head. That when I notice a ciacada looking bug that is the side of a bird sitting on the hanger! I don't remember what i uttered at that point but N starts yelling "Mata lo mata lo" (kill it kill it) and she is clearly terrified by its presence. All I am thinking is "with what? A baseball bat! That thing is huge and my clean laundry is hanging below it!" So I decide to go the tupperware route and trap it between a container and a lid, not sure what I am going to do if the plan fails and it starts flying around the apartment. Luckily, the plan is successful and I now have it banging around in this tupperwere container. And then, the thing started to scream, like blood curdling, my arm is in a car door, ear bleeding scream like hundreds of little fairies dying. What the heck is going on E2 would say! So as qucikly as i could, I rushed the thing over to the window and set it free. Be free nasty screaming bug, and go bug someone else!

Hmmmmmm....big sigh

2011-08-12T19:23:00.002-05:00

Trying to be brutally honest here and well, it has been 2 straight weeks of 24-7 K. Some might say what we are seeing is a result of adding a new sister, but I would whole heartedly disagree. I think what we are seeing is K's behaviors that have been occurring for the last year without the benefit of the distractions of everyday life. You know, the stuff you can ignore on a daily basis because of work, the internet, tv and distractions of activities and day care. What we are seeing in her behaviors makes me question her brain development and how the connections were originally made as they seem to be totally and completely mis-wired. My initial thought was that she has the emotional maturity of a 2 yr old which is what we have been told by her therapist. But that doesn't seem to explain it either. Her reactions to everyday situations are opposite what they should be. Your brother gets hurt, you laugh and mock him. Your sister brushes your leg getting off the couch, you would think your arm was cut off. I have lost track of the number of poor choices that have been made during the last 2 weeks which include but are not limited to sticking finger everywhere they shouldn't be, doors, body parts (in full length mirror none the less...ick!), etc, dumping a cup of laundry soap in the toilet, soiling your pants, forgetting how to put in socks, forgetting to not start peeing before sitting on the toilet. A total and complete lack of cause and effect thinking. And then there are the blank stares. Oh the blank stares...totally checked out in another world, as the strangers at the ball parked remarked, in her own little world, stepping into traffic, falling countless time because she is not watching where she is going, stuck on the toilet because she is staring blankly at the wall and can't seem to put the thoughts together as to how to get off. We have used every therapeutic technique we know in the last 2 weeks and it seems like nothing is getting through. Oh honey, I know it is hard for you to remember how to get off the toilet so take as much time as you need.....I read these stories of other kids that have had malnutrition, trauma, unknown histories, etc, I fear for your future little girl, I fear that you are driving your siblings away with your bullying and mocking, I fear that your birthday parties will all be with adults because the other kids at school tell me how you hit them or were mean to them, I am afraid of how you will navigate through this challenging world without the skills of logic. I wonder if we can teach you, and if you will ever learn.......

Moving Along

2011-08-11T13:18:00.004-05:00

Went to the notary today for some more signatures and all the kids seemed to be in a funk. Seems like its a combination of tired and not wanting to be sitting at a notary that early in the morning. Also got N's visa photos today. I had tried my dark colored shirt on her yesterday, and she was having none of it, so with everyones moods today, I was expecting the worst, but she smiled like a champ. Should be a pretty cute picture.
Have I mentioned how everyone here is drop dead gorgeous? Even this homeless man on the sidewalk we keep walking by could be in the cover of GQ. I suppose just because you are hot doesn't mean you cant be homeless. We were at the club swimming the other day and my pasty white self was feeling pretty self conscious among all the sharply dressed, beautifully tan and chiseled folks doing lap after lap in the pool or soaking up the rays while I hid under my t-shirt and hat hoping not to get scalded. Amazing how noticable those few extra pounds suddenly seem in a bathing suit when you start to feel like everyone around you just walked off the cover of a magazine. I do however know that in order to be so sharply dressed all the time, you need to have HOT shoes and there is an abudance of SHOES here that Car*rie Brads*haw would drool over. Starting to wonder how many pairs I can fit in my carry on. Good thing sis is coming!

Parque De Agua

2011-08-10T12:49:00.003-05:00

Heard yesterday that our case was submitted to Court on Monday and that I should expect 3 weeks before I might hear from the judge. This is along the same time frame other families have seen, but we also know there is a new TB test required in Bogota that we understand takes 72 hours to read, so that might extend my and the girls time here some. The 3 weeks does give us some time to possibly get to Medellin or Bogota to have the test done ahead of time. So far enjoying my time here and loving the fresh fruit and walking to the store and church and not having to get in a car every time we want to go somewhere. I made corn soup today with potatos, chicken fresh herbs and peas shucked from the pods, with sliced aquacate on top and crema fresca. It was wonderful! It is nice to be able so easily to make food that doesn't have so many preservatives in it. As best as I try at home, I usually don't have the time. We bought beef for fajitas the other day (which I put way to much spice in and the kids hated it..oops), but even the smell of fresh beef is so different. And the salt and sugar. You don't realize how much salt and sugar is in our food until it isn't there. Everytime we have gone to the store we have bought different fruit not knowing what it is. The last one was the granadilla which is hard and orange on the outside and has green snot with seeds on the inside. Kind of really liking it if I can get any before N slurps it up! More notary stuff tomorrow and visa photo for N. Hopefully some more pool time as well!

I don't miss it. Ok well maybe a little.

2011-08-08T20:41:00.002-05:00

During our time in Colombia, we had a chance to head over to "the club" and go swimming. They had a pretty nice lap pool. I think it might have been a 50m length. But after only a few hundred meters I was done. I did swim a few more lengths a bit later. But it was nice. Not like I want to sign up for a half ironman tomorow. But the workout was different. I could tell my cardio fitness level wasn't so hot. Not sure where or how I'd get any lap time in with 4 nuggets running around the house. But it would be nice.

Something to talk about..

2011-08-04T08:19:00.003-05:00

At least within our family this has kicked off some interesting discussions. I'll leave the politics and personal commentary out of this for the time being and see what the chatter comes back as.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/red-thread-adoptive-family-forum/2011/aug/3/united-states-unicef-war-international-adoptions/#.TjnwbpE96rc.facebook

My Rules for Life...

2011-08-02T23:04:00.003-05:00

I've been saying some of these for years. And I do actually follow them. Just as J, as she gets frustrated when I stop for #1. Feel free to add you own. These are just the top ones that came to mind this evening.

Life is to short to pass some things by. Here are some of my own personal rules to life by. Note that they are heavily influenced by my world travels.

Never pass up buying a glass of lemonade from kids at a lemonade stand (and don't be cheap, let them keep the change)
Never pass up a twix bar at the checkout line. You know know when or if you'll have a chance for another.
Never pass up a chance to use a "nice" bathroom. You might be really sorry what your options could be later.
Never pass up a warm/hot shower. You might be really sorry you did, and you might not have another chance for a long long long time.
Snickers bars were made to eaten frozen. Any other way, well, shame on you...
(been said before by others, but I totally agree) Never pass up a chance to hug or kiss one of your kids.
Think of something you love about your wife/spouse, everyday. You might be mad, or arguing, or resentful, or just flat out pissed at each other at times. But you are still a team, and you can't do it alone.

Peace

When is the Congo not Congo? When its Colombia...

2011-08-01T11:15:00.005-05:00

Sporadic running water, and when it runs, its cold versus Hot water on demand.

The area GSM system coming and going with the Electrical blackout/ power rationing versus ADSL+ all the time

No comfort food to be found anywhere versus abundant Chocolate, Beer, Pasta, and everything else you can find in a fully stocked grocery/department store.

(initially) Gut wrenching, ulcer producing stress versus relaxed days with siesta time

rice, sauce, and some type of meat (think stew) versus empanadas with the most to die for picante you've ever laid a taste bud on

Not a lick of English (only French or Lingala) to be found versus .. ok not a lick of English (a variety of Spanish) to be found

Hot, dry, dusty, not enough of a breeze to cool you down versus Hot, BRIGHT sunny, daily showers, moderate humidity.

Not a family member within 7000 miles versus having had the whole Clan right next to you to share an amazing experience!

Priceless

The Good kind of Stress

2011-07-19T13:58:00.002-05:00

I would be easy enough to blow a gasket, not just because it 100+ with the heat index, and it's going to be 112+ the next few days. That wouldn't be so bad if our house didn't have AC. Kowalski (the family dog) and I are laying on the bare flooring the basement for relief.

I would be easy enough to have a cow that the tickets we had on hold to meet, pickup, and return how with our newest daughter in Colombia didn't go up over 60% in price.

I would be easy enough to get crabby and irritable over the number of things, loose ends we are trying to pull together before we leave.

Last night while trying to calm K down after having nightmares (this time over her favorite ladybug pillow pet) for the 2nd day in a row. I started thinking. Maybe I"m fighting God's plan. Fighting his time frame. His use of finances that he's provided to us. Maybe I'm unknowingly trying to swim upstream against the current. Maybe I just need to trust, have faith and let things fall as they might.

Trust in the Lord. Yep. That's the plan now (at least for today until I'm challenged with the next group of frustrations).

Peace

Travel Approval!

2011-07-15T14:35:00.002-05:00

T got a surprise call 2 days ago that we have our Article 5 and approval to travel! Yippy!!!! Made some quick calls and are trying to get travel arrangements worked out but it should be before the end of the month! Time to get packing! The World C_up soccer tourn. is in Colombia the same time we will be there, might make traveling around much more challenging. As it turns out, Guatemala is playing in the same town our World V ision sponsor child is from! To bad the dates don't work as that would have been super cool for E1 to see!

Whats in a step..

2011-07-07T08:11:00.003-05:00

62 of the to be precise.

For some odd reason that's the number of steps from the base of the stairwell at work, upto the 5th floor where I'm at.

62 steps to raise a heart rate to burn calories
how many calories would I burn?
Enough for a few M&Ms
The heart stays pumping good for a few minutes even after reaching the top. How much added benefit from that period of time.

just some odd thoughts about walking up stairs

Holy Smokes!

2011-07-05T12:56:00.002-05:00

Saturday we got an unexpected letter from USCIS! Our letter of provisional approval for N's visa! We wern't expecting to hear anything for a few weeks! Now, as we understand, the letter and file go to Colombia and we wait for article 5 to be issued which will be our travel approval! In just a few short weeks we could be on our way!

Mercy

2011-06-22T12:14:00.002-05:00

Mercy is defined as:
1. A compassionate treatment
2. To be kind and forgiving
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing
4. Alleviation of distress; relief

In the past week, I asked for mercy more times than I can remember. An unexpected hiccup in our adoption had my mind in a tailspin. We submitted our I-800, were full of bliss and i was busy preparing a super cool photo album to send to N to introduce us. I was excited about packing and busy nesting when it all came to a screeching halt. My heart was breaking and all I could muster to do was cry out of mercy. To God, to everyone I spoke with, to a homestudy agency that we had volunteered at year after year, hoping, praying that someone would have mercy on us. They didn't know us know us personally, but I thought about the good Samaritan, who came to a stranger's aid just because it was the right thing to do. After numerous dead ends, we got a return call from a new homestudy agency over the weekend that was recommended by a friend. I knew right away upon speaking with them, that they would do what they could to help. They showed us mercy and I cried, tears of joy this time. We met in person earlier this week and during the meeting, I got a call from T. There was an agreement that had been worked out to continue processing our paperwork! My heart overflowed with the mercy we were given and thankfulness for everyone that was working on our behalf and how God had moved another mountain, once again to bring our daughter home to us. Now...back to nesting!

Shoelace

2011-06-17T00:37:00.003-05:00

I was going through an old box. You know the type of box. One with notes, letters, pictures, trinkets collected over the years. Apart of the temporary stun of looking at my college IDs, reading some old greeting cards, I came across an all time favorite poem that I had saved.

Shoelace by Charles Bukowski (1980)
It's not the large things that send a man to the madhouse...
No, it's the continuing series of small
tragedies that send a man to the madhouse.
Not the death of his love,
but a shoelace that snaps with no time left...

Peace

A shout out to my girls...

2011-06-15T14:50:00.004-05:00

Just thought of my girls today. J, K, and N. My best gal J, is having a challenging time (see earlier post). My Special K had a really great day yesterday, but can be challenging. My newest gal N, don't know all that see faces day to day (yet), but its not likely all Joy and Peaceful Bliss.

Just a shout out to them.. that I'm always here and I'll do all I can (and more) for all of you..

Sweet Soul Dream - World Party

Sucked in to the Pit

2011-06-15T12:30:00.002-05:00

These last two week have been hard. We got some disturbing news from our State regarding the agency we used for our HS. As it turns out, we are going to have to re-do it to meet USCIS requirements. With everything going on, I definitely feel myself being sucked in to a pit of despair. Knowing we are so close to bringing our daughter home and yet, after we climbed the mountain, feeling like we just slide half way back down. Thankfully, T is leading the charge and his "can do" attitude is dragging me out of this pit of self pity I want to stay in. The worst thing about it is that I know God's in charge and this will all work out, but I keep beating myself up about it anyways instead of just trusting in Him. And as I sit here and complain and moan about our little paperwork issue, two of our friends kids are fighting for their lives. So I am asking you to help me today to pray for tiny "C" in Texas, that the antibiotics do their job and clear up her little lungs and for "T", just home from the DRC in May and diagnosed with leukemia. Pray for strength for their families and for healing for their little bodies, that they may grow in Your love and shine as a light of hope for those around them. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Good Things. A Fathers story of Referral

2011-06-10T07:58:00.010-05:00

(please press stop/pause on the music player at the bottom, and click play on the youtube video in this post)

Perhaps the most asked question of adoptive parents is "Why". Why Adoption. Why this sex (of a child). Why this age. Why this race. Why this county. Why now (why not wait). Why now (are you ready for this). Why another child (do you have more than you can handle now). Why this special need (are you sure you want to do this, or can handle this). Why this child. Why Not <fill in the blank with some well intentioned but ultimately hurtful alternative suggestion>

Say I can say words only simple
Say I can say words only clear
But oh I can feel your heart is beating near

Good Questions. Difficult answers. Answers that often change over time. Surely the answers J & I provide to some of these have changed since we brought E1 home in 2005.

With the official referral of #4 on Monday, we find ourselves answering these questions again. After Mass this morning, I contemplated the Homily. I thought about the topic of "Love". The unconditional "Love" our Lord has for us. The type of "Love" that St. Paul had to succumb to, to become the "Rock". The type of holistic, agape "Love", which is quite different from the personal "Love" many of us have for each other. The type of "Love" we should strive for, and if we can achieve.. Well. Good Things. Good Things...

Give I can give love and attention
Give I can give all time away
Only to one heart I can give today

During this reflection, I thought of those "Why" questions. I thought of #4. (G as I like to call her sometimes). I thought of what we know, what we learned, and what we can guess about "her story". I thought of K's story. About what she's been through before coming into our family, and what she's been through since. I thought of how (perhaps to often) I treat her unfairly in comparison to the boys. (Note: I am big enough to know and admit to myself though. That I'm human. I'm a work in progress. So I know part of "my story" is to rise above the hurdles and roadblocks that stand in or are put into my path that lead to greater harmony with K. Personally and within the family. She's worth it. Our family, needs it. I need it). I was sad thinking about what our girls had endured. I was saddened by what they might have had to endure had they not come into our family.

Haunted love is all that I feel
When you're passing by
Haunted love is all that I see
It's there in your eyes

Now STOP that thought. I'm not suggesting or insulating that J & I are riding in on some type of White horse to save the day, to rescue them, to be some type of savior or salvation for them. Quite contrary. I am not complete. I am broken. A puzzle with missing pieces. These blessed children of ours, are as much (probably more) a piece of me, as I am to them. They fill holes that I cannot fill. That J cannot fill. They come from God, to help heal whats broken and missing in me. So I will say it again. I am saddened when I think of what they have already endured. I am saddened when I think of what they might have had to endure had they not come into our family.

And I say
No no no don't pass me over
No no no don't pass me by
See I can see good things for you and I
Yeah good things for you

Lets be honest. I don't know where this is all going, or how it will all end up. I know it appears I work to much, and I sleep to little. I know we (as a family) are still working on being a harmonious, loving, caring, family. I know its been less than 1 year since K came home. I don't know if we'll ever rise above an overcome the challenges with K. I don't know if we're ready for or capable of overcoming the challenges we will face with N coming into our family. "And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9".

Be I can be man full of color
Be I can be man black or white
Only to one heart I can be tonight

But I can say this. J & I trust each other. We might fight and argue. We might not get out for enough of "us" time. We don't share enough of "ourselves" with and often fall short of looking for support from our family, friends, and WWME community. But we trust each other. Without speaking the words, we know we've got each others backs. We know when its a tough wade through the sludge, the other can pick us up. We trust in our faith. We trust in our Lord. "I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa. We believe, without doubt, without question, that we are making the right choice. We may not (yet) know how we are going to get through it all, but we know that we will. We may not know what we will look like when we get there, but we know that we will, get there.

The Lord has blessed J and I with an unusual course through Life. A course that has been, and surely will be at times frustrating, confusing, and humbling. But a course that has already yielded indescribable Joy. A course that J and I are ..still.. anxious and excited about. A course that is deeply personal for us, but one that we hope you will share with us. The Lord is at work here. And when the Lord works, Well ...

Good Things
Good Things
Only Good Things
Good Things

Peace

Why do I run?

2011-06-09T08:23:00.002-05:00

Its been splattered all over this blog. Heck its in the blogs name. But this video puts it plainly in another context.

Privacy Matters in Adoption

2011-06-08T07:49:00.003-05:00

There was a great article posted on Rainbowkids this week that goes into a lot of details about the importance of an adopted child's privacy when it comes to their history and background and how we as adoptive parents need to be mindful of what information we share and when we share it with our child as often times, the child might not remember their history (depending on their age) and it can be very hurtful to find out details of their history from a family member or friend. Having just recieved our Referral, this article is very timely for us given that we now have a document that is about 20 pages in length with a lot of possible information that is really not ours to share, and are in the midst of fielding questions from friends and family that we might not be able to answer to protect our daughter' privacy. I hope you take the time to read it. Here is the link

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=755

and an excerpt "I suggest that new adoptive parents, including those still in the adoption process, develop for themselves what I call the Privacy Plan. They decide what information is off-limits (e.g. birthparent information, certain details about early living conditions, specific reasons the child was available for adoption) and have a plan for responding to inappropriate questions. For example, when someone asks me what I "know abou" my child's birthmother or for some other information about his personal history, I’ve developed a standard reply: "That’s not my information to share." I try to keep it simple; I say it lightly and move on. People usually get the idea pretty quickly. They don't mean to overstep. Often they've just never thought of it that way before."

Official Referral!!!!

2011-06-07T08:17:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, T got "the call" from our agency. They received the official referral from ICBF for our 5 yr old Colombian beauty!!! Last night I spent hours translating the 20 page document that came with the referral (our agency is working on the official translation but we were so excited we didn't want to wait!). I think I got the highlights. We were dissapointed there was not a more recent photo included as the one we have is about a year and a half old...so bummer there. They are going to make another request for one. They will be contacting us today wiht the next steps on how to accept the referral once we get the official translation and complete the I-800. My head is spinning!!! We were expecting to wait a few months for the referral and it came in about 2 weeks! At this rate, we will be off to Colombia before the end of summer! I had hear ICBF prioritizes special needs adoptions, but oh my, we are definately on some sort of fast track right now. In God's time, it is all in God's time. Based on the paperwork, it looks like we are under the Bucharamanga office of ICBF which means we might be staying at some of the same places that another family that just got back stayed. It is so exciting to look at their pictures and think we might be there in just a few months! Yah yah Yah!!!

Sorry, I've got to run...

2011-06-07T07:34:00.002-05:00

That sounds like a cool bumper sticker, or the name of a blog. Maybe I'll change the blog title to that. I just sounds cool on a couple of different levels. Speaking of running...

Got out today for 6 miles. I'm ashamed to say its about the 4th time out in months. And it shows! It was a GREAT therapeutic run. It was also a nasty, hot, sweaty run. The kinda run where even after a cold shower, you sweat profusely for about 45 minutes. I was dripping still driving to work. Good think my officemate doesn't come into the office on Tuesdays, else I would have probably needed to bring a 2nd shirt. (ok its not that bad, but I do have some body spray if I start to believe I stink).

Sorry, but I've got to run! Today is a 10.0 on the days per week work load chart.

Therapeutic Who?

2011-06-06T08:15:00.003-05:00

Part of the frustration of therapeutic parenting is that so many people just don’t get it. They fail to see that the child’s behaviors are not normal and when they turn the charm on around strangers, the “ohh and ahh” at how friendly and adorable they are begin. The child’s special needs are not visible to the world making it all the more easy to write off those behaviors. I am loving this blog post. How true this is and how much is sounds like our K. http://therapeuticmoments.blogspot.com/2011/04/there-is-nothing-wrong-with-that-child.html. We were at a graduation party last weekend and had not been at a social occasion with our little girl in that type of setting for months. It was agonizing to watch and in the end, we ended up excusing ourselves and heading back to the hotel. I would compare it to watching a train wreck, with me, glued to a lawn chair trying to figure out my next move, but too awestruck with the wreckage that happening in front of me to get off the chair and do something about it and at the time, not knowing what to do. In my mind, all the while, playing back the past months and how we could have progressed so little. As the week rolled on, I thought we were making headway back onto the right path, theraplay on Friday morning with some one on one time and nail polish, then the wreckage….. everything fell apart again at the doctor’s office when I came face to face with not 1 but 2 disregulated 4 yr olds that I might have had a fighting chance with some time-ins had I been able to instantly clone myself right there in the waiting room, but alas, the fiasco ended with 2 raging kids strapped in their car seats and still somehow managing to pinch, scratch and beat the tar out of eachother even though they were barely within eachother’s reach and me crying to T on the phone and trying to figure out how we were all going to limp back home in one piece. The Friday from Hell is an understatement as that was just the begininng. Time-in’s, lost privileges, therapeutic everything, you name it, I tried it, and collapsed on the couch at 10:00 that night only to find out the cat had barfed all over the living room. Saturday was a new day and we all needed some repair time which included the park, hours in the kiddie pool with the kids yelling “I LOVE MY FAMILY” before going down the slide, two picnics and a birthday party (another social situation…). And the clouds parted and the birds sang “Hallelujah!” K hung by me at the party, asked me for food and drinks and wanted ME to hold her not some random stranger (note picture...smiling K looking at me and not interested in random strangers in background!) (Insert shock and awe here). Now I can’t say it was not more exhaustion than attachment, but hey, after this past week, it is the little victories I am hanging onto to charge head on into this week.

Approved!!!

2011-05-24T12:07:00.003-05:00

We got word yesterday from our agency that ICBF has approved us to adopt a Colombian child!!!! This is great news and we are excited that our paperwork is now heading off to the regional office where the child we hope to adopt is at. Once our paperwork is there, the regional office will review our file and decide if our family is a good fit for this little girl. If she is, they will update her file as necessary then send our agency an "official" referral for her and we will start showing off her picture to everyone we know and bragging on how adorable she is!! I think we will have a better idea on timeframe after this next step because if her file is out of date, it can take some time to get it updated. The quickest time to travel from the point we are at now that we have seen has been about 3 1/2 months, so that would put us about mid-Sept. We were also excited to see the two passports for E1 and K arrive yesterday after not being sure how long K's passport was going to take. E1 was jumping up and down and yelling "yah yah yah, I get to go to Colombia to get our new sister now!!!!" It was uber cute! I need to take some pictures of the Colombian shield on the stainglass in the basement that was bare until last week, I am going to complete a section each time we reach a milstone in our process. The first square was completed with the Colombia flag when our dossier was submitted to ICBF. I will add the second section now that we have approval and the third section once we get her referral. I am saving the last section for approval to travel. Hoping it will be a cool reminder of where we are at and how far we have to go!

Daily Intentions..

2011-05-18T20:56:00.002-05:00

We have a prayer chain at our church. We get emails for those in need of prayer. For thanksgiving and for petitions. Included today was this prayer from St. Teresa. I just really though it was moving. So I wanted to share..

"O my God, fill my soul with holy joy, courage and strength to serve You. Enkindle Your love in me and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me. I do not see very far ahead, but when I have arrived where the horizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me, and I shall meet it with peace." - Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Peace

Powerful Speech - Turn Music off before playing

2011-05-18T08:15:00.002-05:00

Gianna, fitting name after St. Gianna defender of life

Haves and Have Nots

2011-05-11T08:26:00.000-05:00

I think a lot of adoptive parents find it somewhat cringe-worthy when they hear another family mention that they plan to adopt to “save a child”. If you read adoptive parenting literature, the key flaw in this can be related in the same way one might relate a relative’s attempts to “save” someone close to them suffering from an addiction. The flaw being that if that person doesn’t realize they have a problem, they also don’t realize they need to be saved. In the same manner, when you view a child that has grown up only knowing his or her environment, it stands to reason that they have accepted their environment for what it is and the thought that they would need saving has never crossed their mind. Compounding the issue is the concern that if a family approaches adoption as “saving” a child, there is also the potential that there might be an underlying desire for the child to express gratitude and parenting a child is not meant to be done to receive gratitude.
Now this is where I personally diverge and differentiate between “saving a child” vs “adopting where there is the greatest need”. This is also where I struggle. While ultimately, we chose to adopt for selfish reasons (because we wanted a family), over the years, we have also more and more weighed where the need is into our decision of where to adopt. With increasing ethical issues cropping up in international adoption, it becomes harder and harder to assess where the need is vs where the corruption is. And while I struggle to grasp the gut wrenching decision of a birthmom to sell one of her children to a baby handler to feed her other children, I would never be able to justify, in my mind, that the adoption of that child would ever be the right thing to do. At that point, it becomes a matter of social justice and I would probably be the first one with my hand raised to sponsor that family through an organization like World Vision to avoid a birthmom having to make that kind of decision in the first place. The other key issue I struggle with is the use of the orphanage system in many countries as a day-care. Families that are unable to educate or feed their children leave them in the care of an orphanage so that they may get the support they need to continue to grow and develop with no intention that the child would ever be adopted. But unfortunately, this sometimes isn’t how it works. The birthfamilies may be in constant contact with the children at the orphanage. So how does an adoptive family discern this if the child is really available for adoption? They don’t. And that becomes something that keeps me awake at night. We need to be the voice for the voiceless, ask the questions, and be a part of the solution, not contribute to the problem by greasing people’s hands and using the excuse that because we are “saving” a child the ends justify the means. This mentality benefits no-one and only serves to hurt those who are most vulnerable.
I am reading “The Hole in Our Gospel” by Richard Sterns, the CEO of World Vision. And while I would like to stay safely in our little cocoon in the good ‘ol US of A, the fact of the matter is that we are on the front lines of the increasing global disparity between the rich and the poor, bridged between both worlds through the adoption of our children. If we leave this world having seen the social injustices and haven’t stood up and taken action, hiding in our cocoon with our 4 beautiful children, I have to wonder how we would answer God if he asked us “Why?, why didn’t you do something?”

Very funny guys!

2011-05-09T12:36:00.002-05:00

After hearing all the horror stories from our Trauma Parenting Group before Mother's Day about the standard "Mother's Day fallout", I kind of passed it off like, how could a 3 almost 4 yr old really appreciate Mother's Day enough to cause a big stink, she just isn't old enough right? Wrong! With E2 down with a fever causing him to become a curled up ball of love and presents and attention being showered on me, she had met her limit and was bound and determined to get the spotlight back by any means necessary including pulling my hair, sticking her fingers up my nose, choking me with my own necklace and exposing her neather region to the whole congregation....yes Virgina, it did all happen at church! So needless to say, when it came to the part of "Peace be with you", T got an "Also with you" that was attached to a 30 lb disregulated 3 yr old whose protests could be heard even over the "Ave Maria". Happy Mother's Day dear!

I then found out on Monday that my friend's daughter had a dream that I was preggers. As it turns out, every time anyone in that family has dreamed a pregnancy, it has happened. So I told her that unless I was preggers with a 40 lbs girl that spoke Spanish in the dream, she better retract it imediately! Just to make sure, I am listing my uterus on e.bay this afternoon.

A Night Already Devoid of Stars

2011-05-02T21:02:00.000-05:00

“I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

A day in a life... Hallelujah

2011-04-30T22:47:00.005-05:00

Its just a day. Like any other day. Maybe Sunny. Maybe Cloudy. Bright blue Skies. Or Dark Overcast. It can come upon you quickly. It can pass you by just as fast.

On some days, for some people, a rope may go flying by. And for some people, they are fortunate enough to grab onto that rope. Lord knows where it will take you. Or if you will ever return. You hang on tight. It may jerk and whip. You just hang on tight. And for some, life is changed. Changed for two. Forever. Bless the Lord, two changed forever.

Hallelujah in a college dorm hall.

Hallelujah years later in a letter and call.

Hallelujah in Scotland, and that was all

Your faith was strong but you needed proof . . .

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you . . .

And from your lips she drew the hallelujah . . .

..Happy 12th Anniversary J..

May the Lord Bless us with the Strength,

Courage, and Grace for countless more.

(thanks for putting up with, and sticking with me)

I Love you. T

How's the Training

2011-04-30T22:01:00.002-05:00

Ha ha ha.. I thought to myself when someone asked me. Training. Hmm. Whats that. Then the follow up question came. Are you "signed up for anything". I thought about it. Yes the Fall Fox Valley Marathon in Mid/Late September. But that a long time from now. I've still go a month or two I can slack off.

Its nice to not have the pressure or stress to make time for a training run. Rather, its much more enjoyable to just "find" time and go out for a fun jog. Of course, i've not done that either. Oops! Better start soon, else those Easter jelly beans are gonna stay in the "gut" for awhile.

A different perspective..

2011-04-20T07:53:00.002-05:00

Pulled into work. As I was turning off the radio, a Planned Parenthood political commercial came on. Extolling the virtues of that organization, of all the life saving care they provide, and how two Illinois Senators turned their backs on millions of Illinois' woman. Out one mouth they claim to help woman, to protect them, to stand behind them, to be their when they they have no other options. Out the other end of their mouths, they fight tooth and nail to avoid having to meet even the most basic medical office criteria that other Dr. Office's are required to follow. Drug store clinics likely have more rules to follow than a PP site. Sure sounds like "protection" and "support" to me. Protection of PP own interests, maybe. As I walked into work feeling more than a bit ruffled at hearing that trash on WGN radio, I read today's reading. And like a flashlight showing in the distance that I've somehow not noticed before, Psalm 69 took on new meaning for me.

Today's Reading of the Day ...

Psalm 69:8-10
For your sake I bear insult,
and shame covers my face.
I have become an outcast to my brothers,
a stranger to my mother’s sons,
because zeal for your house consumes me,
and the insults of those who blaspheme you fall upon me.

May your day be filled with Peace, and may you find ways to share that Peace with others...

Welcome to the Big Dogs Park Kowalski!

2011-04-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

Sent from my HTC smartphone

2011-04-12T07:28:00.001-05:00

Oh the HUMANITY!! My Coffee machine died on me this morning. Baby Steps T. I can make it. Baby Steps!

Just Say "Yes...And"

2011-04-09T15:38:00.002-05:00

Working out the new therapeutic norm and it feels good! After last weekend, a lot of our so called parenting has been up for re-evaluation. Which is hard because after you have been parenting a particular way for 6 years, its not easy to basically flush all that parenting down the toilet and start from scratch. But that is what we did, for the most part, and parenting our kiddos by saying "yes and" instead of our gut reaction of "no" is much like trying to ride a 2 wheeler for the first time, lots of stumbling and mistakes on our part, but luckily, our kiddos have responded well to the new mama and papa and so our stumbling seems to go unnoticed for the most part. The biggest revelation from the weekend came on Saturday night. We attended the weekend because of K and our soon to be Colombian daughter.....or so I thought...but as we continued to listen to the talks on Saturday, there was a growing pit in my stomach...T and I went out to dinner before the social time that night and we started talking, not about K, but about my baby, E2, my sweet perfect little boy. Yah, I would tell myself, he has tantrums, but he's just tired, or not feeling well, but he is so sweet, so attached to us, but I had to finally admit, there was something that nagged at the back of my mind, my mama heart knew it, but I had never said it out loud. He was adopted at 7 months old, I would tell myself, he was so young....We set out that night to talk to the psychotherapist that was running the conference, I ran it around and around in my head, but couldn't put the pieces together, there has to be a trigger, they talked about triggers all day, what could it be, I see the rage, I see how he becomes disconnected, but the trigger....we cornered the therapist, we explained that we had come for our daughter, but the more they talked, the more we thought about our son. I ran through the scenario..."so I told him not to kick his sister and he shuts down, the rage starts and goes on and on, the only trigger in all the instances I can think of is.....me.....". So the therapist looks at me and says "but what he hears when you say that is "I am nothing, I am a worthless piece of shit, I am not worthy of your love". Did anyone else hear that? Yes, that was the sound of my mama heart, being torn into two then shredded through a meat grinder, chewed up, spit on the ground and stomped. I did it, I made him feel like that?? I did, there is no question in my mind, I know it, I can see the look on his face, the pieces finally make sense....I am so sorry, I didn't know....I can't see through the tears as they burn down my cheeks on the way home, the lump in my throat so big I can barely swallow, I feel like I am drowning....deep breath... we are here to learn, to do better, to realize our mistakes and the traumas our children have been through. And so begins our journey into therapeutic parenting with not 1 but 2 of our kiddos. T said E2 packed his sparkly eyes this week, and I have to admit, there was something different about him, like a weight had been lifted off. And this morning, he told me he was mad a K for closing his bedroom door. He had a feeling and was able to express it to me without the rage, without fear of being hurt....with a new found trust that I hope will grow and grow.

One Amazing Weekend!

2011-04-05T13:11:00.001-05:00

Thank God for Grandparents that are willing to take our 3 crazies and puppy for an entire weekend! I don’t even know where to start with what this past weekend meant to us as a couple and as a family. It all began when our friend Megan went to Blogher in NYC and roomed with another mother named Christine. Through Megan’s posts, I followed a link to Christine’s blog where she talked about the challenges of parenting children who have endured major trauma in their lives (adoption being a part of that) and using Therapeutic Parenting to work towards attachment and linking the thinking and feeling parts of the child’s brain so that they can better process feelings and emotions. As it turned out, Christine was going to be talking at a conference just miles from our house. After reading about the conference, I knew we had to attend and quickly shot off an e-mail to T. He was on-board and so were grandma and grandpa! Yah! Little did I know what the weekend had in store for us when we walked in Saturday morning, cups of coffee in hand, thinking that we were going to learn some great tools to help strengthen our attachment and bond with K. By Sunday afternoon, we had 50 new friends that we had shared our hearts with and they had done the same, we broke down together as the Kleenex box was passed around the room, we built ourselves back up together and realized we all had a strength in us that we never knew was there, we saw the fear in each other and were forced to ask ourselves if adopting a 4 ½ yr old with a rough start would be beyond our capabilities, we saw the hand of God leading us to this weekend and giving us the tools to be better parents, better spouses and better individuals. We left on Sunday, opening the door to beautiful spring weather, the warm sun on our faces, our eyes open and saying in our hearts, “How could we not adopt this precious little girl that by the grace of God will one day be our daughter ! We need to say yes to her as God has said yes to us“ . More to come!

Setbacks...I've had a few...

2011-04-01T16:11:00.002-05:00

Long week, suffice is to say, that while our dossier sits waiting in Colombia, we found out that our psychological report is missing a required personality test that our psychologist thought was discretionary. Luckily we can just add an addendum that has to be notarized and appostilled, send it to our agency to forward to Colombia. Hopefully our psycologist will return from spring break soon. In the grand scheme of things, it could be a lot worse, if we were not waiting for our USCIS approval to submit the dossier anyways, so hopefully, the stars align and our addendum arrives at the same time our I-800a does and all things will be good in the world.

Now I will get on my soap box for a min. The nuggets and I (we are now calling E2 and K the nuggets) go to open gym on Fridays. There is usually a group of respectful mamas at the gym looking for their kiddos to have some fun and exercise. Well with spring break, it seems like every mom who had the joy of having their kiddos home all week were, by Friday, looking for anywhere to dump them off on someone else. So instead of taking care that their kids were being respectful of others, they chatted or stayed in the lobby texting on their I-phones while their little brats pushed my kids, skipped my kids and were just plain rude and disrespectful. I get it, you need a break from your kids but REALLY! Dumping them off on other moms' is not a solution. So yes, if your kid told you in the lobby that they got an earful from another mama, I admit, it was probably me, so STEP OFF! No one cuts the line in front of my kids! And next time you want to dump your kids at open gym, I will expect to be paid minimum wage for babysitting time!

1st times a charm. 2nd.. you're certifiable..

2011-03-28T22:09:00.003-05:00

The first time you sign up and run a 50k, people just think your nuts or weird, or maybe just got a bad batch of coffee.

The second time you sign up, people begin to look at you with that "You did what?" look with the furled eyebrows. You know the look.

Well, the blog is Tri for Hope, Sacrifice with purpose. As always, the intentions are to do things "with purpose". In the gusty, cold wind of the lakefront, I completed my 2nd 50k. I didn't expect it to be easy, but I also didn't expect the wind and cold to make it as challenging as it did. Unofficial guesses between myself and another individual.. the wind might have accounted for an additional 30minutes of time out on the course. My first 1/3 split was quite blistering. At the half-way point, I know I was in for a long day, as I was close to tapped out. A combo of run/walk got me through the cold, numbness, and the legs doing their best to convince my brain that they were not capable of even walking anymore.

Certifiable? Perhaps. But I'll say this. If there's another 50k in my future, its not likely to be one on the Lakefront of Chicago in March. I'll leave that to the hardcore Ultra runners.

Peace

Adoption News!

2011-03-24T07:33:00.003-05:00

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that formed for me, when as yot there was none of them." Psalm 139:13, 14, 16

We have a file for a beautiful 4 1/2 yr old little girl from Colombia and she has captured our hearts! We found out this week that our dossier was sent to Colombia for translation, and they will then hold it there for our I-800a approval. Our fingerprinting isn't until mid April, so we are praying that after we are fingerprinted, we will have the approval in hand quickly so IBCF can start reviewing our file.

Colombia's process works a bit different than our Guatemala adoption in that Colombia will first approve us to adopt, then they will send our file to the region the child is at and then they will approve us to adopt her specifically and officially give us her referral, so although we have her file, she has not be officially referred to us and there are several more steps that need to take place. For this reason, we are only sharing specifics about her with imediate family at this time until we have her official referral, which could be 4-5 months off. We appreciate all your prayers as we continue in this amazing journey!

Tale of the Dueling Fingerprints

2011-03-15T12:10:00.003-05:00

*** UPDATE **** Oh for Pete's Sake! I tried to do a give away and the FBI clearances arrived before I could publish this post! Not to mention on 3/21 we got our USCIS fingerprint appointment so the FBI fingerprints won. Will have to try another give away soon. Maybe this time I will post a picture of the giveaway item to encourage more comments!
Stardate: Jan. 26, 2011, time 0 seven hundred hours
Captain’s Log: Sealed envelope containing most computerized scan of 10 digits sent via Priority red container through these United States of Postal Systems marked “HIGH SECURITY” for elusive “No Arrest Record” correspondence from said Bureau of Investigations for which Country that is not spelled with a “u” has requested.
Stardate: March 2, 2011
Captain’s Log: Largest acrobatic offspring takes part in celebration of certain milestone, 6 yrs in the making and shares edible fluffy bake good with crew mates much to their delight. New crew member, arriving for the celebration from land of many potatoes appears to be leaking fluids (note Trans-former reference) and should be docked near emergency exit. I-800A paperwork has been processed through crew chief and has received final approval for departure via transportation vessel Fe.d-Ex.
Stardate: March 14, 2011
Captain’s Log: Confirmed receipt of I-800A via transportation vessel. Additional engagement for 10 digit recording appointment TBD. Captain notes passage of 6 weeks since first 10 digit record sent to Bureau and projects additional 2-4 weeks before receipt of elusive letter stating “No Arrest Record”. Additionally, based on significant analysis of past data, Captain predicts additional 4 weeks until I-800A appointment which should prove to be ample time to heal self inflected stab wound on opposable thumb resulting from physics defying puncture by adjacent broken nail plate that in turn “bled like a mother” during transport of nuggets to Starfleet training class. Captain announces friendly wager with other commanders.

Will the Bureau letter arrive before or after I-800A FP appointment? Leave your guess in the comments with your e-mail. Correct guesses will be entered into THE FIRST GIVEWAY EVER AT TRIFORHOPE (HINT, giveaway is a pair of shiny ear thingies!!!!!!!)

Where am I going with this...

2011-03-13T14:05:00.002-05:00

ok, between the new puppy peeing on the carpet, I think I have found some time to blog a bit and catch up. E1's Godmother sent me a book and journal for Christmas and in the chaos, I had not had time to start it. Well it turns out that I was at a conference 2 days last week and finally had a chance to dig in. In reality, i couldn't put it down and while, for once, I had the chance to go to bed early, this Ash Wednesday, I found myself trying to reflect on, well, myself. And so far, I have found myself asking myself what it all means. The point of the first chapter was to use movies us chicks love (aka, chick flicks) to point out that every woman wants to be romanced, wants to play a role in a great adventure and wants to feel beautiful. While I listed the movies I most enjoy, I found that besides Ewan McGregor being a constant in several of them, they were all, in a word, horribly tragic. Yes there was love, yes there may have been some romance, if you consider an encounter at a auto manufacuturing plant romance, but in the end, more often than not, someone dies, and dies tragically, leaving a gaping wound in the hearts of their significant other. Not quite the romance novel that the author speaks about or any sort of happy ending. Through the author's questions, this got me thinking about how strangly important it was/is to me in my relationships that I feel protected and would be saved, should a situation arise. I will never forget hubby telling me, walking in downtown Milwaukee while we were dating, (I was only 17 at the time) that if someone came and tried to rob us, that i should run and he would do whatever to protect me. In hindsight, the scenario was pretty far fetched, but I was hooked. He would be my champion, my hero, at least on paper and in my head. Years later facing a coral snake in Belize heading towards my inner tube, reality set in as I was faced with a life and death situation, it was every man for himself, including our guide who watched in horror as I tried to put as much distance between my tube and the snake. I ended up saving myself, there was no hero that came rushing in on a white innertube, throwing himself between me and the snake....there was just me. I am hoping that hubby doesn't read into this post as any kind of failure on his behalf, because its not, and it shouldn't be. In real life, I don't think it is realistic to expect someone to behave like some sort of Lord of the Rings hero at the ready with a sword should some Ork jump out from behind the evergreen when I am walking to get the mail. What I really am curious about is why this scenario is so important to me and why it is not good enough that after I saved myself from a snake once, that I can't rely on myself to do it again (should I be faced with some sort of deadly snake scenario, which of course happens all the time in the midwest). God, I am such a GIRL! I can't help but wonder if this ends up being a piece to that alusive puzzle I have been trying to put together for years...I guess we will see what Chapter 2 brings! Got to run, puppy needs to pee..again

Tired in advance..

2011-02-23T23:12:00.002-06:00

just thinking about the 21miler coming up sometime this weekend is making me sleepy. Have fun storming the Castle...

In the last 2 weeks....

2011-02-22T20:49:00.003-06:00

I have managed to break our eldest heart twice after we met two shelter dogs that didn't turn out to be right for our family. Tears were shed. I managed to notice that I have a meatball on toothpicks running around our house who I thoughtfully named butterball (wow, those christmas PJ are not flattering E2, but the thought of a meatball on toothpicks running around the house made me laugh so hard I peed my pants). I managed to eat an entire bag of dark chocolate pretzels in hopes that my larger butt would slow the descent into K's regressive behavior. It didn't work, but they were delish. I managed to frighten myself by realizing how often T and I end up on the same page these days. I managed to bury myself in paperwork and puppy finding last weekend so much so that I forgot the post office was closed on monday. I managed to send the blue footed boo-bie through the car wash cause I couldn't see out the windows any longer and if you got within 5' of it you could taste the salt. Besides, its always fun to see k's look of terror turn to a glee-ful squeal when the colored soap hits her window. I even managed to wash the kitchen floor in the last two weeks! yah ME (for washing the kitchen floor, not so much for eating all the chocolate)!

19miles and we Collide..

2011-02-18T11:39:00.006-06:00

Lyrics from "Collide" by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

..
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out the doubt the fills your mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

19 miles on the road. Knees are sore. 2 miles more than 17. My heart still soars. 2 miles less than 21. Still such a long way more. 6 weeks to my personal 50k. 6 weeks closer to the day when you and I may finally collide.

For those that I love that I already see, and to those I love I've not yet met. I can't do much. But I can run. I run for time to pass, run for praise (to him the gives me strength), run for healing, for you...

1770 miles done. 8,014 more to go.

Peace

10 Things you Might not Know about J

2011-02-10T12:07:00.002-06:00

10. I love milk. As in LOVE milk! The colder the better and I absolutely hate soda. I think I drank so much milk one time that I gave myself a kidney stone. When my dr. suggested I needed more calcium in my diet I had to laugh. Once I relayed the kidney stone story, he changed his mind.

9. I reverse-sneak my kids (if that is a word). There I admitted it. The kids, especially the boys are notorious for sneaking into our bedroom in the middle of the night, crawling into bed and then snoring in our faces. I wait for them to fall asleep in our bed, then sneaking out of our room and into their bunk bed. After a peaceful night sleep with the stuffed animals, the first thing I usually hear is someone asking where mama disappeared to as the last place they tend to look is in their own bedroom.....

8. I ate a pringle covered in ants on our honeymoon. It was dark and I didn't realize it until I felt them crawling on my hand. They were crunchy.

7. When we first bought our house, it needed painting. So we bought a ladder and I spent all summer on an extension ladder painting the exterior. Its starting to peel again and I am starting to wonder how I managed to paint it the first time around and still be here to tell the story.

6. I secretly wish I had a closet full of shoes like Carrie on SITC, but wonder how long it would take me to break my ankle hiking around a construction site in my
Man.olos.

5. I am convinced that most things women "claim" to be a result of child bearing are not. They just don't want to admit they are getting old. Case in point, I never birthed a child however a. My beautiful blonde hair is now a shade of dirty dish water b. I have a pooch c. I pee my pants when I laugh too hard.

4. Speaking of old, I am now jealous of women who are in their early thirties as someone pointed out to me the other day that I am now "pushing forty". Luckily I discovered a time machine.

3. I caught a 10" diameter plate of barf the other night at our favorite restaurant totally unnoticed by anyone sitting around us. The hard part was trying to figure out what to do with it after the vomit machine (AKA E2) finally turned off. Needless to say I ran into the owner on the way to the dishpan. Oh so embarrassing

2. I have had 2 ticks on two separate occasions decide that my left cheek was an ideal location to set up shop, and I am not talking about the cheeks on my face. Both time I had to call in reinforcements (AKA T) to get the confounded thing out as I am not a Circ-de-Solie performer people!

1. I can't think of anything else. So much for the build up......

These tired legs...

2011-02-08T22:28:00.004-06:00

No rain, no snow, nor wind chill temps shall keep a runner from his routes...

Despite two blizzards, impassable bike paths. I've managed to keep up my weekly runs. I had to resort to street running, and some loops (gosh I hate running loops), but I've stuck with it. Each run bring a new challenge. Sometimes is the elements. Sometimes its a heavy load on the mind. Sometimes its the Indian food from the night before (OMG did I just write that?!?)

Only 44 days until the Lakefront 50k. Last week was a cutback week. So now its back to business. I'm not really following a training program, but I do know that I need to get a couple 20+ milers in. So now, besides a tired mind and legs, I need to plot a course for about 17 miles, and find the time to do it, since its no longer possible to get those sorts of distances in on Saturday mornings. At least not in snowy conditions.

Why bother to share this? Since I'm running with a few people in mind, I thought it good to share my madness. Or at least my dedication to it. Peace..

Prayer of St. Gianna

2011-02-03T12:04:00.001-06:00

God our Father we praise You and we bless you because in Saint Gianna Beretta Molla you have given us one who witnessed to the Gospel as a young women, as a wife, as a mother, and as a doctor. We thank you because through the gift of her life we can learn to welcome and honor every human person.

You, Lord Jesus, were for Gianna a splendid example.
She learned to recognize you in the beauty of nature.
As she was questioning her choice of vocation she went
in search of you and the best way to serve you.
Through her married love she became a sign of
your love for the Church and for humanity.
Like you, the Good Samaritan, she cared for everyone
who was sick, small or weak. Following your example,
out of love she gave herself entirely,
generating new life.

Holy Spirit, Source of every perfection, give us wisdom, intelligence, and courage so that, following the example of Saint Gianna and through her intercession, we may know how to place ourselves at the service of each person we meet in our personal, family and professional lives, and thus grow in love and holiness.

Amen.

Colombian Names

2011-02-01T12:33:00.002-06:00

If you know our family personally, you know that we have chosen to keep the given names of all three of our adoptive children and have only added middle names when there was not one. While 2 of the three are not the easiest names to pronounce and we are constantly correcting people, and people either assume our oldest son's name is a last name or drop the "s" at the end, I can't imagine calling them by any other name. E1's school is just as diverse name-wise. The first time we toured the building, I remember thinking to myself, goodness! they will fit right in here with so many cool and unique names above the coat hooks. So you can imagine my excitement when I saw a post from a Colombian Culture blog we read about Uncommon Colombian Names. The Registrduría in Colombia says that there are 1,691,862 Colombians with completely unique names -- no one else in the country shares their name, and possibly, no one else in the world. Based on the article, naming a child with a completly unique name is a more common practice among folks with lower incomes, while middle and upper classes have gone back to using really Spanish sounding names which would have been considered old school back in the 1980's. Here are some of the most exotic names:

Yicelub, Saub, Irlandesa, Saude, Jhewer, Jheyaa, Cometa Haley, Alka Seltzer, Mickey Mouse Jusayú, Gallina Ipuana, Cine, Helicóptero, María Perra, Ministro y Chorizo Epinayú.

So, we might just end up with a daughter whose name is totally unique to anyone in the world, and knowing me, I will probably take that as sign from up above.....so long as it isn't Alka Seltzer!

Adoption News and More!

2011-01-31T12:46:00.003-06:00

Things are moving along nicely on the adoption front. T&I got parts 1 & 2 of the application to our placing agency completed this weekend and sent part 2 off to our social worker as we need to review and discuss the questions from part 2 with her. We also heard last week that DCFS approved our homestudy, so that can also be sent in at the same time as our application for review. Once our placing agency approves our application and HS, they will generate a letter that will allow us to submit our I-800A. We are hoping everything will be approved and ready to go such that we can submit our I-800A towards the end of the month!

On K's hair front, I have really liked the double stranded twists I have been doing with clips, but was scouring the web for videos of some other styles I would like to try. It is hard because her hair is still so short, it really limits the styles, and she is too old to do puffs like you would for a baby. I am thinkng about trying some rope twists and then hoping I can do a twistout so she can wear it loose for a couple of days after. The hair is so short though that I will probably have a lot of rope twists and am trying to find the time to set aside to get it going.

This weekend was the first attempt at cooking Colombian food. I tried to make empanadas with aji. I found the website mycolombianrecipes.com (want to give Erica a shout out for the awesome site and great recipes! - photo credit also, note to readers: that is what empanadas are suppose to look like!) the other day and decided that everything looked so good that I should start trying one recipe at a time. I give myself an A for effort. I ended up using lamb instead of ground beef, which was an excellent choice if I do say so myself and used my tortilla press instead of a rolling pin. Overall, the ones that turned out were very tasty. I did have problems with the oil heat getting to hot, then not hot enough and several of the empanadas opened up in the oil which was disgusting as they ended up being filled with grease, so I will have to work on my sealing technique, but overall, not bad for my first attempt.

We will be praying for some families this week who will be traveling soon to Colombia to bring home their children and hoping our whole family doesn't get hit with the yuck that E1 has right now. Looking forward to 24" of snow over the next couple of days and maybe some sledding time with the kiddos!!

Are you there God? It’s me, J

2011-01-25T12:23:00.002-06:00

I was reading a family’s adoption story the other day on their blog and was totally and completely blown away at how God has moved on their behalf through their adoption journey. It was really an awe inspiring story, the kind of story you hear about in amazement on the news or during a moving homily at church. When we started our adoption journey for E1, we had that kind of story, but we also had more doubts than the number of rasinettes I could eat in any give day. E1’s adoption story was a blow your hair back on your head, awe inspiring, really flipping amazing, can’t possibly deny God’s presence in story. And T and I both love telling it to anyone who will listen. As we begin our 4th journey, I look back on E2 and K’s adoption stories and don’t really see anything that I would define as awe inspiring. What I do see the quiet presence of our Lord through the highs and lows of these adoption journeys. I see how my doubt or questioning was answered through faith in Him, I see how He walked with us along the long and winding path, and I see why He knew that E2 and K would fit seamlessly into our hearts and our family.
In my selfishness of wanting to have that awe inspiring story for all my kids, I failed to realize that we didn’t need an awe inspiring story for E2 or K’s adoption and we don’t need an awe inspiring story for #4 either. God spoke to us six years ago to put us on this path. We have been walking on that path ever since. It’s like asking for directions on how to get to Route 64 when you are already on Route 64 (sorry T, had to throw that one in there!). I have no doubt that God will lead us back to the path if we stray, but right now, he is quietly dropping supportive families and friends, resources and guidance in our path for this 4th adoption journey. The blessings we have received over the past 6 years have been indescribable. Our God is an amazing God and doing His will is awe inspiring in and of itself. And when we tell E2 and K their adoption stories, they will know it as well.

13 on the way to 31

2011-01-21T22:07:00.004-06:00

It official. Or maybe I'm just certifiable. For many running a 50k would be nuts. But running two? Who on earth do I think I am? Well on March 26th we'll find out. With only 62 days (notice the nifty countdown timer on the right side) its time to get down to business and log some miles.

So its from 7 to 10 to 13.1 in three weeks.

But tomorrow its not about me. Tomorrow I'm running for Rosemary. A friend working through her 3rd round of chemo.. fighting off an unexplained fever.

Lord accept my steps. My labored breaths. My soon to be cold and probably aching legs. Lord accept this offering and provide relief to Rosemary, Bruce her husband, and their children.

Davids has a Family! Praise God

2011-01-18T07:57:00.003-06:00

Read the story here http://little-did-i-know.blogspot.com/2011/01/soaring-heart.html

Urgent prayers: Please pray for a family for this amazing young man

2011-01-12T12:27:00.003-06:00

UPDATE! WE ARE HEARING THAT DAVIDS HAS A FOREVER FAMILY THAT HAS COME FORWARD TO ADOPT HIM...MORE NEWS TO COME! KEEP PRAYING!

Dear Friends and Prayer Warriors:
I have prayed over the last few days about how to share this story, and I have no words to adequately express it. However, it has to be shared and I will do my best. Many who have heard it are so sick over it, our hearts just ache. We know God has a plan; is it you?

In January, 2010, I met an awesome child/young man at an orphanage in Riga , Latvia . His name is Davids. He was one of a few children we were introduced to that day for consideration in our Summer 2010 orphan hosting program. He was really sharp and smart, had a great sense of humor and looked you in the eye when he tried to speak the good amount of English he had already learned. I remember asking his favorite things to do and he didn’t hesitate to explain he loved kite flying in the sky and dreamed to be a pilot some day! He also enjoys soccer, basketball, swimming and all sports. But, the thing that surprised us most was his age! He was already 15 and effectively the size of a 9 or 10 year old child. We asked the orphanage director more about him later, and were told Davids is healthy, just small and has the kindest, gentlest heart. He generally plays with the younger group of kids because the older ones make fun of him and claim to be “too cool” to hang out with a guy his size. As for history, he has been in 4-5 different orphanages, but has managed to keep hope for a brighter future. He is a sincere and especially child towards younger children. Lego building is one of his hobbies! I remember, he made a joke when I asked him if he liked dogs and cats…a traditional question we ask… He said, “of course! But, I am no cannibal.” And gave us the biggest smile of all! Later, when he was among the group and doing art projects, he drew a picture of a jet airplane landing under a sky that resembled the American flag. When I asked him to explain it, he told me, “My dream to fly airplane and live in family in America !” From that point, he had us at “hello” and we were committed to helping him fulfill his dream.

For the summer program, Davids was hosted by a multi-cultural, multi-racial family and he did awesome! He was kind to his younger host brothers and sister and enjoyed just about everything they did. He especially liked to build and make things and play sports outside, with swimming being one of his favorites! He learned a lot more English and wasn’t shy to use it either. While his host family was not his forever family, our team and staff was so thankful when we received a call from a couple who wanted to go and visit with him before his return to Latvia . We knew time was short, and we encouraged anyone who might be interested, to meet him asap. After one meeting, the family who went, let me know they would be adopting him and how encouraged and inspired they were by Davids. After many discussions, we realized that he needed to know the plan, as his birthday was coming up…his 16th birthday, which means several things to an orphan. First, it means they are about to age out and can’t be considered for adoption. Second, it means that they are on their path of graduating the orphanage and will soon be on their own. Third, it means life as they know it now: food, shelter, protection and security is about over. In the first year after a child leaves the orphanage, generally 15% commit suicide. So, it was decided for me to talk to Davids when our interview returned to Latvia this past August and see how he felt regarding this adoption.

When I sat down with him, I had a translator with me, but he didn’t need her. We sat on a sofa in the social worker’s office and I asked him how he liked America and what he thought? He explained he loved it, and it was more than he ever imagined! I asked him if he remembered this particular man who came to meet him and spent time with him the week before he returned to Latvia , and he said “Oh Yes and we had fun!” I went on and said, “Well, this man told his wife about you and they want me to tell you they are so happy, and they want to adopt you.” Davids’ look was utter shock! He said, “Who, me?” and I confirmed it was indeed him. He said, “Oh yes! VERY VERY much YES! And, they want ME?” He was just the most excited kid I think I ever had the pleasure to tell about an adoption. Most kids are shocked, but usually have to think about it and have several questions to ask before they really accept it and consider it as real. Davids’, on the other hand, was just the happiest kid on the planet that day; his dream was coming true.

Last week, I got an email from his adoptive family… now just 10 days before his 16th birthday,it basically said they felt that they would adopt a girl they met (which was planned all along), but they no longer wanted to adopt Davids’. They had changed their mind. The next day, I got an unsolicited email from Davids’ social worker in Latvia . This is what she wrote:

"Hello Le Ann,
I wish to ask you about one of our boys, his name is Davids T. He was hosted Summer 2010 at a host family in IL. Since he was close to 16, we got information and you shared with him that there is family who will adopt him. It was not the family who hosted him, but another one.
Till this day we never received more information about the adopting family, and we confirmed that the Ministry also has no information yet. I must share, we are all worried and concerned. Davids became so nervous in this last month, his attention to everything is gone. Yesterday he was moved to hospital, because of problems with his stomach relating to the stress of not knowing. We know this all is because he is so close to his 16th birthday; it's on 23 January this year.
We don’t know what to say and can't say anything to Davids because we don't know. It will be a shock for him if it's not true, he has so long lived with this thoughts focused on this adoption and a family in America .
We wish to know the truth to share so he can know and be happy again.”
We have tried to contact his family and explain, show them, what their decision has done to this child. So far, there is no response, but more importantly, there is no time with only a few days that remain for someone to file the I800 with USCIS to adopt Davids’. I have explained to his social worker what the full situation is, and as a strong Christian, she has agreed to pray earnestly with us for a new family to come forward for this child! The adoption agency who was working on this case has agreed to do everything they can to expedite the adoption and assist where possible to get them through the system.
If you or someone you know is interested in moving NOW to adopt Davids’, this is what needs to happen:
1)You must already have an approved home study issued by a Hague Accredited adoption agency in the USA . It must be able to be amended to show you are approved for at least one child, a boy, who is age 16 or under.
2)You must be willing to file with the USCIS the form I800, which will specify Davids’ as the child you intend to adopt, and it must be received prior to January 23, 2011. If done, this gives the adopting family 180 more days to complete the adoption.

Please join us in immediate prayer and action to locate and identify Davids’ Forever Family!!! You are out there somewhere and God knows exactly who you are and He doesn’t make mistakes. We just need to get the word to you about him."
Le Ann Dakake, Director of Hosting Programs, New Horizons for Children 678-313-8321 cell

Our 4th Adoption Journey

2011-01-09T14:39:00.001-06:00

A few of you have asked how this adoption will be different from our other adoptions. The biggest difference is that with our other adoptions, we were a waiting family. This means that we waited for a child to become available for adoption. In the case of our first adoption, we waited a few months, our second adoption, we waited almost half a year, and our third adoption, we waited just weeks. The wait for an adoptive family often depends on the age and gender of the child as well as the country’s processing time for adoptions already in the system. A lot of the paperwork submitted for an adoption is date stamped so agencies sometimes wait to have a family begin their paperwork so there is less chance something will expire while the family is in process. To give you an idea of how long families are waiting for the referral of a child in Colombia, here is the most recent list. Families requesting a healthy infant between 0-12 months old have been waiting almost 3 ½ years! By now, I imagine those families have re-defined what they think patience is.

Age of Child ------- Date of Application Approval by ICBF

Child 0-12 months ------ May - 2007
Child 13 - 23 months ---- May - 2007
Child 2 years ----------- Mar - 2006
Child 2 - 3 years -------- Feb - 2007
Child 3 years ----------- May - 2006
Child 3 - 4 years -------- Nov - 2006
Child 4 years ----------- Oct - 2006
Child 4 -5 years -------- May - 2007
Child 5 years ----------- Aug - 2009
Child 5 - 6 years ------- May - 2008
Child 7 years ----------- Jul – 2010

Unlike our other adoptions, this time we are requesting a waiting child. That means that the child has been waiting for a family instead of the family waiting for a child like our other three adoptions. Many times, a waiting child has special needs (minor or major) or is older than the age of 8. As we knew we would be requesting a child younger than 8, T and I discussed and researched special needs we knew we could say yes to. When our homestudy was updated, our social worker included these special needs along with the age range of children we were open to. If there is a waiting child matching our homestudy, we can request the child’s file. Then we pray pray and pray some more, asking Our Lord and Savior if we are the right family for this child. No problem…right???

1013 miles down... oh my how many more?

2011-01-05T23:17:00.003-06:00

Destination Kinshasa, 7080 miles from Chicago. That's a lot of exercise miles miles. With the daily bike trainer miles, progress is moving along more quickly. Though it will still take over 1 year to complete. Unless I can average 125 (exercise) miles per week. Yeah right. But each journey begins with a single step. Tonight, I crossed over the 1000 mark. Yeah!

As J posted a bit below, however, we already have the next "Destination" lined up. Destination Columbia (Bogota). That will be another 2704 miles. Yikes, that's a whopping 8771 miles.

I think we better stop adopting kids, else I'll be booked with exercise miles until my last days..

Peace

New Years Resolutions

2010-12-30T12:11:00.003-06:00

I will fear not this path You have lead me to and this life you have given me. I will live boldy in your Name and challenge others to do the same.

I will try not to question the bumps in the road or the lessons the detours will teach me. I will remind myself that the road was never meant to be easy

I will remember how much I have been given and how much is asked in return

I will always ask myself, if not me than who? Life is not lived if it is only lived for you

Happy New Year and My God Bless you and your family

Enough with the boring exercise updates......

2010-12-28T12:47:00.003-06:00

Well, now that the Christmas cards have gone out with the intriguing last line, wondering if we will be a family of 6 by years end, and with enough information leaks to sink a boat floating around in cyber space, I figured it is probably due time to announce that we are at the beginning of our 4th adoption journey which, hopefully, by the grace of God, will lead us to our daughter in Colombia. This will be our first I-800a experience as we have gotten by on the I-600's for both of our last journies, and will sink us deeper into paperwork than we have ever been. A daunting task for those of us whose last 2 adoption have been to african countries! I hear a psycological exam is even part of the mix! What fun, now someone might actually certify that I am crazy! Well dear....put up the mile ticker and the Bogota weather.....we are heading south!

Back in the saddle

2010-12-20T00:55:00.003-06:00

I've been saying it for weeks (or maybe months or longer). I've been slackin' BIG TIME since the 50k in October. Except for some treadmill running at work, there has been zippo running miles. Just not motivated to get outside yet, though I'm close..despite the cold.

Inside, I've finally decided to get the bike hooked up to the trainer. Not wanting to take up space in the new basement, or to sweat on the nice floor in there. I've relegated myself to my own personal hobbit hole in the utility room. Not being the tallest fella around, I can just fit sitting up. My head touches the cold air returns from the AC system.

Its not pretty, but its there, and more importantly, I'm using it. So I'm getting my daily dose of exercise now. And the bonus, I'm making quicker progress on Destination Kinshasa (only 7000 more miles to go!).

For the Love of a hat ... part II

2010-12-20T00:46:00.002-06:00

If you've followed our journey, E1 lost his favorite hat. After some searching, it was recovered, much to everyone's joy.

Unfortunately, it was only about 1 week after recovery that disaster struck. On the Sunday after we recovered the hat, E2 wore the hat to church. Mama brought E2 to Sunday School class, while Papa brought the two youngin's into the church. We had our typical trip to our favorite coffee shop after Mass. Finally, in the afternoon, E2 had a birthday party at a local "fun center".

It wasn't until Monday that we discovered the hat was missing again. Did he have it at church? Yes. No. I don't remember. Was it at the coffee shop? Don't think so, as it warmed up a bit. How about at the bowling alley? It was cold, but I was spent, not sure I remember the hat on his head.

Called the bowling alley on Thursday, no luck. At church the following week, took a wild chance on if there is a lost and found at his CCD class. Nope. "but you can check it the baskets down the hall..". Basket #1. Lots of nice mittens and gloves we thought about "using". But no hat. Basket #2. still more gloves, my oh my kids lose lots of gloves.

Basket #3. Pushed aside more gloves, more hats. And at there it was. At the very bottom. I look up at J. Her face turns into a fly catcher with her mouth so wide open. NO WAY!!!

I'm telling you... this hat has a purpose. And its not yet fulfilled with E1!

Welcome home!

Tales for a tired little boy

2010-12-14T12:33:00.002-06:00

After reading "How does a dinasour get well soon" for like the hundredth time, E2 decided he wanted to tell a story himself last night before bed about his foxy. I already know this is not going to come out nearly as cute as it was being there, but I will try. We just bunked up the boys bed, so E2 is on the bottom bunk. I turn off the light and he turns on his flashlight and starts the story:

e2: "Once upon a time.....WHAT WAS THAT!"
mama: "That was just papa closing K's door"
e2: "Oh, once upon a time there was a big monster and ....WHAT WAS THAT!"
mama: "That is just the shadow of my hand from the flashlight, see...(I wiggle my fingers"
e2: "Ohhhhh, once upon a time, there was a big monster...no..no....a little mouse...WHAT WAS THAT!"
mama: "That was the shadow of your hand silly, see, wiggle your fingers"
e2: "Ohhh, there was a big monster...no, no, a little mouse and a bunny"
mama: "I thought this story was about Foxy??" mama hands him his Foxy
e2: "WHAT WAS THAT!"
mama: "that was the shadow from your Foxy, see..." mama shakes Foxy in front of flash light
e2: "and the bunny liked to eat carrots and pink lemonade....."
mama:"pink lemonade??? I think we better finish this story up tomorrow....good night sweet pea and turn off that flash light before you scare yourself again"

In the beginning there was darkness...

2010-12-11T22:13:00.005-06:00

Along with the darkness, there as damp, unused, void of space.

11 years ago, a few weeks before J and I got married, I started tearing up the basement. Tonight, 11 years , 6 months, and a couple of weeks later, Its done. (ok ok, so I need to hang a new door going down the stairs, but that doesn't count).

The original inspiration, was the Knight of the round table tapestry we brought back from Belgium so many years ago. J created some individual crests for each of us. They are backlit with halogen dimmers so they add a nice glow to the basement.

Its so nice to have another usable room in the house. If all those toys were strew about the house, I think I'd have already gone nuts!

Eat, Pray, Love

2010-12-09T12:04:00.002-06:00

With our fab new satalite dish, we got to sample some free pay per view movies. I picked Eat Pray Love, not because I praticuarly enjoy Julia Roberts films, but because I thought the idea of taking a year off life and finding yourself sounded like a cool idea. I heard the book was much better and gave a lot more background into her life before she set out on her journey, but alas, I am just sticking with the movie for now. And I have to say, I get it! There was a line in the movie about how Americans, in general, feel like they need to work themselves to the bone to EARN 2 weeks of vacation. One of the men in Italy said something like Italian's don't feel like they have to earn time to just enjoy themselves, they know they deserve it. Yes, there it is, the daily grind, get up, get the kids ready, drop off the kids, work, work, work, get home, make dinner, feed kids, get kids ready for bed, collapse on couch and zone out to tv until crawling up to bed and falling asleep until alarm rings and cycle starts again (or in Ted's case, replace tv, bed and sleep with work work work) and the years roll by faster than the blink of an eye. What am I missing here? Part of me thinks about the chain e-mail that went around a few years ago about the kid that died and ended up in a room with the library rolladexes where each card cronicled his life and how he was embarrassed to see how many hours he had wasted watching tv, etc then Jesus comes along and crosses off him name on all the cards that were sins and writes his own. What will my rolladex look like? Will I be embarrased by the number of hours wasted? And what about this life I have been given? Did I spend too many hours defending "Christmas" as a Christian holiday when I should have just listen to people and "lightened up?". Yesterday was the feast of the Immaculate Conception. The priest talked about Original sin and Adam and Eve being banished. What I had never thought about was if they had not sinned, and we had all remained in paradise, there wouldn't have been the need to send Jesus down as our Savoir. That fact just escaped me I guess. This, my friends, is not paridise. Which probably means, life, in general, is hard, there will be frustration, exhaustion, trials, and uphill battles along with the joys, acomplishments, happiness and sucesses. Which leads me to the question, how do you eat, pray and love in your life?

Another Great Interview with the Twietmeyers

2010-12-06T12:13:00.003-06:00

December 1st is World AIDS Day - Get the Facts - Learn the Truth, then Spread the Truth!

2010-11-30T12:25:00.004-06:00

Turn off music before playing

You can also see our friends, the Twietmeyer's in this months issue of People Magazine.

If you don't have a Christmas Pulse..

2010-11-30T00:11:00.004-06:00

If you are just wandering aimlessly through this "holiday season". Taking whats thrown at you. Maybe pushing back at times. If you wonder about why others make such a fuss about this "time of year". In a nutshell, if you don't have a CHRISTmas Pulse..

Perhaps just listening to this. I mean REALLY LISTEN. Let the music flow in, through, around you. This songs just has to move you. You've heard it before, sure. But have you really listened?

If more of the worlds population would be able to say "We have not Forgotten".

Well I will say it.

I, have not Forgotten. (pointing up...) thank you.

For the Love of a hat..

2010-11-29T10:46:00.003-06:00

You know how it can be with kids. They get attached to something, a blankie, or nook, or in this case a hat. E1's favorite hat is gone. Missing. Lost and alone. Probably out there cold and freezing, without his little boys head to keep warm.

Well like a dedicated (or nutty) Papa, on my Monday errands I decided to make a couple "wild goose chase stops" during my errands on the way home from K's PT session. Nothing at the Lost and found at Petsmart. Blockbuster was closed. Nothing at the Lost and Found at Menards.
Our last chance, our last hope. Panera bread from Saturday's lunch.

Excuse me. Do you have a lost and found? (reply: What are you looking for?) A kids knit hat. (two faces light up and reply: Are you looking for this?) and from behind a cash register. THERE IT IS. PAY DIRT!!! Alleluia! E1 is going to be so happy when I surprise him after school.

As I said.. "For the Love of a hat.."

Peace

(old) Tales from the Backseat

2010-11-28T22:10:00.003-06:00

So every now and then the kiddo's do something that just, well puts a smile on your face. What wondering little blessing these kids are. And while not in the car, its just as cute a story.

(as told by J)

E1 came over while i was typing and said there was a spider on his shoe in the bucket, i was like "oh really, that's nice honey, go get your shoes so we can put them on". typing typing and E1 gets the shoe and brings it to the kitchen and says he has to get the scissors for the spider and he picks up the shoe and shows it to me from the kitchen, at that point I am like, that is weird, scissors for a tiny spider??, so i try and convince him he doesn't need them, but he gets them anyways and sticks it in the shoe and says, "there he is". At that point, i am thinking i should probably investigate before he cuts the shoe, so I walk over there and there is a grinormous spider on the side of E2's elmo shoe bigger than a quarter! Holy sh*t! and there is E1 trying to stab him with the scissors. He was big enough that the scissors would have made an effective weapon actually. But i opted for a newspaper ad and knocked him off the shoe and stepped on him under the add. WE had to get a paper towel and clean up after there were guts everywhere!

Peace