Its a Good Morning

I'm sorry, if you don't lifted up, more cheerful, and ready to face the day after listening to this, then you likely don't have a pulse.  Been quite a few morning lately that I would have needed to hear this.  5 Star shout out Mandisa!  Thanks for great song.

Hope you have a Good Morning (too)

Peace

Catch My Breath - A therapeutic parenting view?

A day in the Life of an everyday family.  A day in the Life of a everyday family with Children having experienced trauma a very early age.  For those that know, they already know.  For those those don't, they many never know.  You walk, fall, get up.  Walk backwards, fall, get up.  Walk forward, fall again, and get up again.  This is our path, until you find something that sorta works. Something that at least works in that moment.  You learn to tune out all the "helpful" advice from those they don't quite "get it".  You learn to ignore the looks, the stares, judgments, and expressions from strangers observing how we carry ourselves.

[We..our kids] don't wanna be left behind.  Distance was a friend of mine [theirs].  Catching breath in a web of lies 

[We] spend most of our life, Riding waves, playing acrobat.  Shadowboxing the other half [our other half trying to force us into neurotypical, traditional parenting paradigms]. Learning how to react. 

[Where we are all striving to be and get to, if only for a few moments each day]
Addicted to the love [We] found.  Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud.  [We'll] spend the rest of [our] time.  Laughing hard with the windows down.  Leaving footprints all over town.  Keeping Faith Karma comes around

Catching [our] Breath, no one can hold [us] back, [We] ain't got time for that.

You [God] help me see. The beauty in everything [and sometimes you cannot imagine how hard that can be when you see what we see day in/day out]

Catching [our] Breath, letting it go [as Christine says.. just Breath!!], turning [our] cheeks for the sake of the show.  Now that you know, this is [our] lives, [We] won't be told it's supposed to be right. 

Catching [our] Breath, no one can hold [us] back, [We] ain't got time for that.

I heard this song on the radio the other day, and its been stuck, swirling around the old fish bowl noggin.  Downloaded it from Amazon and listened to the lyrics more.  Can't say what Ms Clarkson's reasons for the lyrics are, but they fit nicely into my view of the mindset of this therapeutic parent.  

Peace

A Gift

Merriam-Webster (online) defines a gift as:
1. a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
2. something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

Woke up this morning, intent on starting the journey to drop 10lbs.  My diet has been decent, but my amount of exercise I get now has diminished. No surprise there is a corresponding uptick in stress and paunch in the midsection.  Went out for a run, normal path.  Wasn't easy, and to be honest, wasn't really fun.  But I've never been know as one that runs for "fun".  Heck the word "Sacrifice" is right there in the blog name. 

Got home. Got ready for work.  Here the yelling and screaming that occurs all to frequent in the house in the morning when someone is doing something they shouldnt have.  Talked #3 down from the ledge so to speak (at least there was a calmness there).  Ate breakfast.  Drove to work.  Listening to some music that just flowed through my.  Thought about some passages that I read last night during Adoration.  I became aware of myself "my felt sense" I suppose.

I was calm.  I had a peace about me.  Despite a not so fun run, what could have been a day wrecking start with the kids, despite some anxiety about a performance review at work today.  I was calm, and at Peace.  Happy even.

A gift.  

A gift whose effect was not lost on me, and fully appreciated.  Merriam-Webster says a gift something voluntarily transferred to another without (the expectation of) compensation.  That maybe be true, though I'm feeling good, and I hope I have the chance today to pass this onto someone else today.

Some gifts are meant to be shared...

Peace

My Rules for Life...

I've been saying some of these for years. And I do actually follow them. Just as J, as she gets frustrated when I stop for #1. Feel free to add you own. These are just the top ones that came to mind this evening.

Life is to short to pass some things by. Here are some of my own personal rules to life by. Note that they are heavily influenced by my world travels.

1. Never pass up buying a glass of lemonade from kids at a lemonade stand (and don't be cheap, let them keep the change)
2. Never pass up a twix bar at the checkout line. You know know when or if you'll have a chance for another.
3. Never pass up a chance to use a "nice" bathroom. You might be really sorry what your options could be later.
4. Never pass up a warm/hot shower. You might be really sorry you did, and you might not have another chance for a long long long time.
5. Snickers bars were made to eaten frozen. Any other way, well, shame on you...
6. (been said before by others, but I totally agree) Never pass up a chance to hug or kiss one of your kids.
7. Think of something you love about your wife/spouse, everyday. You might be mad, or arguing, or resentful, or just flat out pissed at each other at times. But you are still a team, and you can't do it alone.

Peace

When is the Congo not Congo? When its Colombia...

Sporadic running water, and when it runs, its cold versus Hot water on demand.

The area GSM system coming and going with the Electrical blackout/ power rationing versus ADSL+ all the time

No comfort food to be found anywhere versus abundant Chocolate, Beer, Pasta, and everything else you can find in a fully stocked grocery/department store.

(initially) Gut wrenching, ulcer producing stress versus relaxed days with siesta time

rice, sauce, and some type of meat (think stew) versus empanadas with the most to die for picante you've ever laid a taste bud on

Not a lick of English (only French or Lingala) to be found versus .. ok not a lick of English (a variety of Spanish) to be found

Hot, dry, dusty, not enough of a breeze to cool you down versus Hot, BRIGHT sunny, daily showers, moderate humidity.

Not a family member within 7000 miles versus having had the whole Clan right next to you to share an amazing experience!

Priceless

A shout out to my girls...

Just thought of my girls today. J, K, and N. My best gal J, is having a challenging time (see earlier post). My Special K had a really great day yesterday, but can be challenging. My newest gal N, don't know all that see faces day to day (yet), but its not likely all Joy and Peaceful Bliss.

Just a shout out to them.. that I'm always here and I'll do all I can (and more) for all of you..

Sweet Soul Dream - World Party

Good Things. A Fathers story of Referral

(please press stop/pause on the music player at the bottom, and click play on the youtube video in this post)

Perhaps the most asked question of adoptive parents is "Why". Why Adoption. Why this sex (of a child). Why this age. Why this race. Why this county. Why now (why not wait). Why now (are you ready for this). Why another child (do you have more than you can handle now). Why this special need (are you sure you want to do this, or can handle this). Why this child. Why Not <fill in the blank with some well intentioned but ultimately hurtful alternative suggestion>

Say I can say words only simple
Say I can say words only clear
But oh I can feel your heart is beating near

Good Questions. Difficult answers. Answers that often change over time. Surely the answers J & I provide to some of these have changed since we brought E1 home in 2005.

With the official referral of #4 on Monday, we find ourselves answering these questions again. After Mass this morning, I contemplated the Homily. I thought about the topic of "Love". The unconditional "Love" our Lord has for us. The type of "Love" that St. Paul had to succumb to, to become the "Rock". The type of holistic, agape "Love", which is quite different from the personal "Love" many of us have for each other. The type of "Love" we should strive for, and if we can achieve.. Well. Good Things. Good Things...

Give I can give love and attention
Give I can give all time away
Only to one heart I can give today

During this reflection, I thought of those "Why" questions. I thought of #4. (G as I like to call her sometimes). I thought of what we know, what we learned, and what we can guess about "her story". I thought of K's story. About what she's been through before coming into our family, and what she's been through since. I thought of how (perhaps to often) I treat her unfairly in comparison to the boys. (Note: I am big enough to know and admit to myself though. That I'm human. I'm a work in progress. So I know part of "my story" is to rise above the hurdles and roadblocks that stand in or are put into my path that lead to greater harmony with K. Personally and within the family. She's worth it. Our family, needs it. I need it). I was sad thinking about what our girls had endured. I was saddened by what they might have had to endure had they not come into our family.

Haunted love is all that I feel
When you're passing by
Haunted love is all that I see
It's there in your eyes

Now STOP that thought. I'm not suggesting or insulating that J & I are riding in on some type of White horse to save the day, to rescue them, to be some type of savior or salvation for them. Quite contrary. I am not complete. I am broken. A puzzle with missing pieces. These blessed children of ours, are as much (probably more) a piece of me, as I am to them. They fill holes that I cannot fill. That J cannot fill. They come from God, to help heal whats broken and missing in me. So I will say it again. I am saddened when I think of what they have already endured. I am saddened when I think of what they might have had to endure had they not come into our family.

And I say
No no no don't pass me over
No no no don't pass me by
See I can see good things for you and I
Yeah good things for you

Lets be honest. I don't know where this is all going, or how it will all end up. I know it appears I work to much, and I sleep to little. I know we (as a family) are still working on being a harmonious, loving, caring, family. I know its been less than 1 year since K came home. I don't know if we'll ever rise above an overcome the challenges with K. I don't know if we're ready for or capable of overcoming the challenges we will face with N coming into our family. "And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9".

Be I can be man full of color
Be I can be man black or white
Only to one heart I can be tonight

But I can say this. J & I trust each other. We might fight and argue. We might not get out for enough of "us" time. We don't share enough of "ourselves" with and often fall short of looking for support from our family, friends, and WWME community. But we trust each other. Without speaking the words, we know we've got each others backs. We know when its a tough wade through the sludge, the other can pick us up. We trust in our faith. We trust in our Lord. "I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa. We believe, without doubt, without question, that we are making the right choice. We may not (yet) know how we are going to get through it all, but we know that we will. We may not know what we will look like when we get there, but we know that we will, get there.

The Lord has blessed J and I with an unusual course through Life. A course that has been, and surely will be at times frustrating, confusing, and humbling. But a course that has already yielded indescribable Joy. A course that J and I are ..still.. anxious and excited about. A course that is deeply personal for us, but one that we hope you will share with us. The Lord is at work here. And when the Lord works, Well ...

Good Things
Good Things
Only Good Things
Good Things

Peace

A day in a life... Hallelujah

Its just a day. Like any other day. Maybe Sunny. Maybe Cloudy. Bright blue Skies. Or Dark Overcast. It can come upon you quickly. It can pass you by just as fast.

On some days, for some people, a rope may go flying by. And for some people, they are fortunate enough to grab onto that rope. Lord knows where it will take you. Or if you will ever return. You hang on tight. It may jerk and whip. You just hang on tight. And for some, life is changed. Changed for two. Forever. Bless the Lord, two changed forever.

Hallelujah in a college dorm hall.

Hallelujah years later in a letter and call.

Hallelujah in Scotland, and that was all

Your faith was strong but you needed proof . . .

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you . . .

And from your lips she drew the hallelujah . . .

..Happy 12th Anniversary J..

May the Lord Bless us with the Strength,

Courage, and Grace for countless more.

(thanks for putting up with, and sticking with me)

I Love you. T

If you don't have a Christmas Pulse..

If you are just wandering aimlessly through this "holiday season". Taking whats thrown at you. Maybe pushing back at times. If you wonder about why others make such a fuss about this "time of year". In a nutshell, if you don't have a CHRISTmas Pulse..

Perhaps just listening to this. I mean REALLY LISTEN. Let the music flow in, through, around you. This songs just has to move you. You've heard it before, sure. But have you really listened?


If more of the worlds population would be able to say "We have not Forgotten".

Well I will say it.

I, have not Forgotten. (pointing up...) thank you.

For the Love of a hat..

You know how it can be with kids. They get attached to something, a blankie, or nook, or in this case a hat. E1's favorite hat is gone. Missing. Lost and alone. Probably out there cold and freezing, without his little boys head to keep warm.

Well like a dedicated (or nutty) Papa, on my Monday errands I decided to make a couple "wild goose chase stops" during my errands on the way home from K's PT session. Nothing at the Lost and found at Petsmart. Blockbuster was closed. Nothing at the Lost and Found at Menards.
Our last chance, our last hope. Panera bread from Saturday's lunch.

Excuse me. Do you have a lost and found? (reply: What are you looking for?) A kids knit hat. (two faces light up and reply: Are you looking for this?) and from behind a cash register. THERE IT IS. PAY DIRT!!! Alleluia! E1 is going to be so happy when I surprise him after school.

As I said.. "For the Love of a hat.."

Peace

(old) Tales from the Backseat

So every now and then the kiddo's do something that just, well puts a smile on your face. What wondering little blessing these kids are. And while not in the car, its just as cute a story.

(as told by J)

E1 came over while i was typing and said there was a spider on his shoe in the bucket, i was like "oh really, that's nice honey, go get your shoes so we can put them on". typing typing and E1 gets the shoe and brings it to the kitchen and says he has to get the scissors for the spider and he picks up the shoe and shows it to me from the kitchen, at that point I am like, that is weird, scissors for a tiny spider??, so i try and convince him he doesn't need them, but he gets them anyways and sticks it in the shoe and says, "there he is". At that point, i am thinking i should probably investigate before he cuts the shoe, so I walk over there and there is a grinormous spider on the side of E2's elmo shoe bigger than a quarter! Holy sh*t! and there is E1 trying to stab him with the scissors. He was big enough that the scissors would have made an effective weapon actually. But i opted for a newspaper ad and knocked him off the shoe and stepped on him under the add. WE had to get a paper towel and clean up after there were guts everywhere!

Peace

A daily two-for..

I was torn. I was moved by the first reading, as well as by today's gospel. With so much time on my hands, its just natural to think more and reflect deeper. Of course I understand that we can never (ourselves) fully understand the written word. But we can be moved by it. The Holy Spirit can inspire our thoughts and actions by it, even if its not to be taken literally.

Lord I know I am not willfully the servant that simply buried the coin. I know I attempt in all ways I know to allow your gifts to grow fruitful and multiply. I know I have the desire for your gifts to grow in, with, and through me. But I am human. Without you I am nothing. Only through you can I succeed in serving my purpose.

Today's (bonus) Reading of the day...

Mt 25:14-30

Jesus told his disciples this parable:
“A man going on a journey
called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them.
To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one–
to each according to his ability.
Then he went away.
Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them,
and made another five.
Likewise, the one who received two made another two.
But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground
and buried his master’s money.
After a long time
the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them.
The one who had received five talents
came forward bringing the additional five.
He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents.
See, I have made five more.’
His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Since you were faithful in small matters,
I will give you great responsibilities.
Come, share your master’s joy.’
Then the one who had received two talents also came forward and said,
‘Master, you gave me two talents.
See, I have made two more.’
His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Since you were faithful in small matters,
I will give you great responsibilities.
Come, share your master’s joy.’
Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said,
‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person,
harvesting where you did not plant
and gathering where you did not scatter;
so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground.
Here it is back.’
His master said to him in reply, ‘You wicked, lazy servant!
So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant
and gather where I did not scatter?
Should you not then have put my money in the bank
so that I could have got it back with interest on my return?
Now then! Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten.
For to everyone who has,
more will be given and he will grow rich;
but from the one who has not,
even what he has will be taken away.
And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside,
where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’”

May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way...

We are called...

There is a song by Jars of Clay "Take my world apart" that also sums up quite well the same meaning (at least for me) that is within the message of today's first reading. But for my own take on it...

Lord I've given up all my pride (at least as best as I know how). I've opened my heart (at best as I am able). I'm raw and exposed, lifting my hands up to you. In thanks, and in petition. Speak Lord (in way that these human ears and eyes can understand) for your servant is listening. Is it time? It the cup filled yet, such that it might be poured out according to your will.. I feel that I am ready..

Today's Reading of the day is ...

1 Cor 1:26-31

Consider your own calling, brothers and sisters.
Not many of you were wise by human standards,
not many were powerful,
not many were of noble birth.
Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise,
and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong,
and God chose the lowly and despised of the world,
those who count for nothing,
to reduce to nothing those who are something,
so that no human being might boast before God.
It is due to him that you are in Christ Jesus,
who became for us wisdom from God,
as well as righteousness, sanctification, and redemption,
so that, as it is written,
Whoever boasts, should boast in the Lord.

May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way...

Overcoming All Odds

Sometimes you get athe perfect message at the perfect time. God Bless you Es!

Overcoming All Odds
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os Hillman
Thursday, August 19 2010

..."Because you have prayed to Me...." Isaiah 37:21
Have you ever had your back against the wall so badly that if something didn't happen to change your situation, you were sunk? King Hezekiah was one of Israel's greatest godly kings. One of the greatest challenges to his reign came when the king of Assyria threatened to attack Israel and wipe them out. The Assyrians were the local bullies of the region and had wiped out all other enemies in their region.
They mocked the idea of having a God who could save them.
Do not let Hezekiah deceive you. He cannot deliver you! Do not let Hezekiah persuade you to trust in the Lord when he says, "The Lord will surely deliver us; this city will not be given into the hand of the king of Assyria" (Isaiah 36:14b-15).
The workplace is full of "Assyrian kings" who mock the idea of a living God who delivers. Without God's help, Israel would not overcome. Their backs were against the wall. They would be destroyed.
King Hezekiah saved Israel because of one act. He prayed; and because he prayed, God moved on his behalf. In fact, God moved so powerfully that Hezekiah did not even have to fight the battle.
Then the angel of the Lord went out and put to death a hundred and eighty-five thousand men in the Assyrian camp. When the people got up the next morning, there were all the dead bodies! (Isaiah 37:36)
The king of Assyria was even murdered by his own sons. Imagine seeing your enemy totally destroyed without one hand raised in battle!
God wants to act on behalf of His children if they will call on Him. One of the motives Hezekiah had in seeking God's help was "so that all kingdoms on earth may know that You alone, O Lord, are God" (Is. 37:20). This is what happened. God was glorified.
God wants to let your workplace know that God is a living God. He can deliver. Seek Him today for the crisis in your life. Keep your motive pure and God will surely answer.
 

Yes Virginia there is a ... (what?!?) Lawn mower fairy?

Driving home today, into the driveway, a bit weary from some long nights, the lawn in the front yard just looks odd to me. I stare at it. Shrug my shoulders thinking that with the drought (at least before this weekends storms) the lawn went dormant. But no! I notice it has got recent mower marks, and there is grass on the driveway. Thinking I've finally lost it, I walk out to the back yard. I'll be darned if its not the same thing. I start counting on my fingers the number of days since the lawn mower died. Try to factor in the heat then rain to approximate grass growth.

No explanation.

There must be a lawn mower fairy that cut my lawn. May God Bless that kind soul. (although, now I am embarrassed since I usually only "pickup" after the dog when I mow the lawn, so the back yard was a bit of a mine field. (sheepish look and shoulder shrug) sorry... :)

Good Job Buddy! You did it!

With our recent car purchase, I am still in the haggling/bargaining mood. With the Lawn mower and the washing machine both crapping out the day after we bought the car, we felt $$ strained. Especially with airfare to Africa spiking into the $3000-$5000 range. I already researched and picked out our replacement washer, did some preliminary haggling down to $800 from $1160 retail (and that's before I really hit the block stores hard for their best pricing!) J asked me to at least attempt to fix the washing machine. So to oblige her, I did. Low and behold. Looky looky.. a broken motor coupling. Saving $800 on a new washing machine, good. $20 on a new part, Better. The satisfaction of fixing a major appliance yourself. Priceless!!


To be fair though. After searching for awhile, I did find exceptional help and photos on how to fix a motor coupling. So I can't take that much credit.

Peace

Serenity Now. Serenity Now.

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

And while we're at it. I pray...
Today, Bless me with your Grace so that I only see your plan for our family, and not the frustration and anger in my heart.

Embrace Life

What a stunning video (I caught the link from a CNN link my brother sent me)
http://embracethis.co.uk/

Time Capsule (well sort of)

(name of the kids removed)

I sometimes thing that when I remodel these rooms I should wall up some trinkets or newspapers or something as a time capsule. While I think about it, I don't ever follow through. As I was preparing to cover up the concrete floor, in prep for the new floor in the basement, I had an idea. A time capsule or sorts, but also a little praise, a little prayer, and message for the kids. Since J and I are working on the basement for them. So I grabbed some of the big, fat kids chalk and did a time capsule "Ted Style"...

They grow up so fast dont they...

J and I are still new parents. But that doesn't mean that all the cliches are lost on us, or that we don't hear them. Today was my "Last Monday" with E1. The last "Day with Dad". Of course for the past year its been E1 and E2 with Dad on Mondays. Why is it the last day? 5 day, all day preschool starts next Monday. I tried my best to cram a lifetime of fun into today, but rain showers, then heat, and frankly two tired boys and a worn out (from the Children's museum) Dad sorta cut into that plan. In honesty, I'm sure the "day" was more for me than for E1. It unfair to compare (and I am not suggesting they are the same) but I can recall the first time I dropped Fezzik (the family dog) off at the kennel. He was still a pup. I still swear to this day he looked at me as if to say "Where are you going? Why am I in this strange place, and why are you walking away without me". It just breaks the heart strings. At least it does for this sentimental ..almost 40.. smuck. I don't want to think about next Monday right now. Hopefully by then I'll recognize the opportunity I spending my
Day with Dad" just with E2.

What did you do with your Monday..
Peace