Respite and a Silver Lining

Respite is defined as : to grant a temporary period of relief to. Adoptive parents in challenging parenting situations sometimes need to call upon respite care for their children. It often gives parents a life line where there are few other options. Allowing both the parents and child a chance to regroup and a break from the cycle of behavior they may be seeing. I have written before about the challenging situation we are in with three of our children at a private school and our daughter who is struggling at the public school where she is provided the support system she needs and a social/emotional class room environment that will hopefully continue her healing. At first glance, I struggled greatly with the vacation and no school day schedules that didn't line up except on National Holidays. We have been engaged with K's very challenging behaviors that have been ongoing over the past 3 weeks, leaving little of us left over for our other three kids, and what is left is usually either spent or irritable. I could see the burden piling on them as K took more and more of mom and dad's time. Last week, the 3 had half the week off of school. A month ago, T & I had debated on who would take off work to cover all the off day time. Then it struck me, as much as T&I need a break from K, the other three kids take the brunt of it and they needed a break too. Not only are they in the thick of K's behaviors, but they also get nailed on the upswing when mom and dad have little left to give them. Where is their respite? I finally saw the silver lining. The private school off days they have while their sister is at public school are a blessing. It was right under my nose! I promised myself last week that there would be NO catching up on laundry, house cleaning, internet surfing, etc etc on those days. I would use those days to engage totally and completely with the three without K's drama taking center stage. So we did, and we had boats of fun, just hanging around. And they took full advantage of just being kids....like they should be.

A Letter from a Parent..

People that know our family, know that we've built our family through International Adoption.  Its a Blessing to beyond words for us, this family we have.  As with all families, like is not always a Rose garden.  It is no different in our family.  The primary challenges we face are not exclusive to families with Internationally adopted children, or adopted or foster children.  But the are more common within that group of families.

Life is a roller coaster.  It can be fast and furious.  It can be filled with anticipation, like just before the ride starts. Or relief, like after the ride is over.  What happens inside a home, that is not seen by everyone can sometimes be very different than what outsiders get to see.

Parents and children may seem aloof (not sure I have every used that in a sentence until now).  People, friends, and groups that were seen more regularly might not be seen much.  Routine restaurants and activities might not be so routine anymore.  There can be a great many explanations behind that.  But I would like to share this letter.  It was written by many Parents of Trauma (sorta a phrase that is used in the community).  It shares things in a way that few can express, certainly better that I could have expressed.

Peace

To hell and back again

I know, I know, it has been awhile, but to be honest, it has been a rough month. As i sat back a couple of days ago trying to collect my thoughts, I realized it was Sept of 2011 when we first saw how bad things were with K in Colombia when the proverbial shit hit the fan. We find ourselves a year later seeing one horrific behavior on top of another and for me personally, feeling like we are no closer to healing than we were a year ago. T, thankfully has taken the glass half full approach, in that he and our neuro-reorg practitioner feel all this is trauma coming out and now we can help her process and heal. That sound great to me, except by glass half empty thinks we are one step away from juevi or a group home for her. In the last week alone, we have been to the police station with her (she is 5, remember) and she almost electrocuted herself to death in a fit of rage at school. She is in a therapeutic class remember. Unlike before, when her school behavior tanked, her behavior at home remained fairly steady, ah yah, not so much this time. There are considerable periods of time where she is either checked out, in a rage, or in a state of constant hyper vigilance unable to stop herself from asking question after question after question, then the lying, she will lie about the shirt color she is wearing if it suits her. So many pieces and parts, is it the fetal movements with the neuro reorg unlocking something (if it is, that is a good thing)? the EMDR therapy? The school work? The change of seasons? I have no idea, and don't even know if it matters, the boat is rocking and we are holding on for dear life.