The Prodigal Son - Rembrants Painting

I have had a little obsession with the prodigal son lately and as hard as I try, I can't seem to shake it as it seems to come up in different contexts. I originally used the parable to explain something that happened in December with the focus being on the son's return home and how we, just like God, should open our arms and forgive past events. A book then appeared at our adoration chapel in January that was titled "The Prodigal Son". The book focuses mainly on Rembrandt's painting "the Prodigal Son" and the characters that appear in it. Curiosity got the best of me and i picked it up and started reading. You see, lately, may of the blogs I read have put out pretty strong Christian calls to aid orphans in distress. I have seen horrible and terrifying photos of special needs children institutionalized, chained to bed, starving. God's children, neglected and in need. As the book points out, however, it is much easier to see the failures of the younger son in spending his fathers wealth and living a life of sin and his return seeking forgiveness than the elder's failures. The fact is, many people don't know or haven't seen what life is like for a child confined to an institution and so, as it is, it can be said, "I didn't know, I'm sorry, I should have done something" as the younger son. I see myself at the elder son whose failure is much more difficult to put a finger on. Outwardly, I have been faithful and dedicated to God's will in my life, making the choice to raise 4 beautiful kids over material things. The quote in the book that got me, however, was "Whenever my virtuous self is there, there also is the resentful complainer". Yes, me, the resentful complainer, the one that looks at all the expensive cars in our church parking lot and wonders where their treasure truly lies, the one that judges families whose first priority in their adoption is to have the youngest and healthiest infant available, never giving the children that have been waiting a second look, when we were, ourselves, at one time more focused on how many countries we could travel to rather than how many needy families we could sponsor and were in fact that same family that wanted a young healthy baby for our first adoption. In many ways, through my life journey, I have traveled beyond that "me" mentality, but in many ways, I have so far to go in accepting God's plan for my life and not complaining about how I see others not following God's plan or being resentful of choices they have made. God gave us free will, and each of us alone will have to explain what we did with that free will. I would rather not have to explain why I became a resentful complainer when there is so much good in my life.

Unhappiness

Today's Daily Devotional in Crosswalk was entitled "Unhappiness - A Tempting Choice". In leaving 2011 with great prospects for a lot of growth this year, we have had a rough beginning to 2012. It is so easy to be consumed by unhappiness when everything seems to be fighting against you. But it was comparing my short-term feeling of unhappiness where the Devotional really hit home and gave me a different perspective on how K may see the world, not on a short-term basis, but every day of her life. The Devotional said: "In his book The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis explores this idea that we can become too attached to our brokenness. He sets up a fictional scenario where souls in hell get a second chance at heaven. But they ultimately do not choose heaven - they can't even enjoy heaven - due to their excessive attachment to hell. This seems downright crazy..... it's a very real trap we fall into every time we hold too tightly to our hurts and sorrows instead of releasing them to God." This SO hit home when I thought about the special breakfast that i had planned for just me and K last week. She LOVES food and eating, and it thought this would be a perfect chance to get some one on one time. As I sat across from her at the restaurant and watched her body language and listened to what she was saying, I was surprised how distracted she was. I could see, she wasn't enjoying herself. The wheels were turning. Was papa staying home with the other kids? Was she the only one that was going to school? Did papa take the other kids to breakfast? Was I going to leave her at the restaurant? (yes, I am serious, she asked me that). Holding on so tight to her hurts and sorrows, always the victim, attached to her hell. If I apply how I have felt over the past 3 weeks and try to imagine that unhappiness consuming me for days, weeks, years, impacting everything I do and say, is this how she sees her world?