Why it was Important for me to do a n*ude self portrait

Last weekend, I open my sketch book, took a deep breath, and started sketching a n*ude self portrait. I have felt that i needed to do this for probably the last year and a half, but every time the thought came into my head, I quickly buried it away. You see, as it is for me, it takes a SHIT load of self love to draw yourself the way you would draw a beautiful sunset or flowers popping through the grass in spring. And more-so beyond just a face portrait, but a full body portrait, staring and examining every nook and cranny of my 41 year old figure along the way took more moxie than I dare imagine. A year and a half ago, I hated to see myself in photos. Then with the support of my friends on a FB group specifically geared towards improving how you view and love yourself, I started taking the obligatory "selfies" every Monday, at first, not allowing comments, then gaining confidence to allow others to comment. I worked my way up to take some personal and very private photos. I have to admit, I was shocked at what I saw in them. Apparently, I had been so busy hating myself that I neglected to notice what my body really looked like. I was surprised that the thighs I had looked down on as being wide and pudgy were actually long and lean in the photos from all the biking I had done, and that little stomach pouch that hangs over my pants when I slouch at work wasn't even noticable when I saw the lines that defined my abs. It was almost an out of body experience, like looking at someone else's photos, not your own. And there I stalled. Drawing everything from mushrooms to crickets playing banjos, but not a self portrait, though the idea was in the back of my mind all the while. I should note, that I am not an artist by any means, a novice at best, so there was that intimidation factor of drawing ANY human body, but for some reason, last Friday was the day and I started drawing. Thank God my reference photo cut off the feet because the hands almost killed me (clearly need some lessons here). I finished the drawing on Sunday and while I can beat the flaws to death, I love the overall drawing. It is certainly more than I ever thought I could accomplish, but more than that, it is a HUGE milestone in my journey of self acceptance. While I was drawing, I was so caught up in the details that the significance of it all didn't hit me until it was complete. I did that, and I did that out of love for myself, and it is amazing! (and clearly I should have started drawing bre*asts long ago because they are fabulously fun to draw!)