Forgiveness

One of the aldermen I served with on the City Council passed away last week. He wasn't just the alderman I sat next to, he was the person that had served up one of the greatest hurts I have ever experienced in my life. See I was on the Council to serve and improve communication with the people in my ward, but after my tenure began, it quickly became about something else, my background in engineering. I was naïve and thought everyone serving on the Council was doing so to serve the public. I was by no means a politician and spoke the truth to the best of my knowledge which didn't sit well with some. The alderman that passed away said the prayer before each meeting, was a church goer and a long term well respected member of the Council. He was on the opposite side of the issue from me, but I respected his position on the matter and his passion until he crossed the line. Working with a local advocacy group, he helped stuff flyers in all the local papers accusing me of taking the position I had in the matter because I was trying to solicit work for my boss’s engineering company. I will never forget the day I had to walk into my boss’s office, the boss that had built his company through sweat and tears, whom I had told my position on the Council would not impact his company and tell him about the flyer. I had about ever emotion a person could have felt running through my body at that moment, I was furious that the group would stoop so low and resort to personal attacks when they started losing ground, I was terrified my boss would fire me for the fact his company was dragged through the mud for no good reason, I was so hurt that the person sitting right next to me, the one who prayed to God before each meeting who had pulled out a giant knife and stabbed me in the back just to push his agenda. I went home and called him, I could barely get the words out between my gasps for air as the tears poured down my face. I don’t remember much of the conversation, other than asking again and again how he could have done such a horrible thing. The jist of his response…all is fair in Love and War right? With the Council meeting looming, I needed to response publicly which was going to be a feat as I could barely get two words out before breaking into tears. But I also needed to respond to him. I prayed about it and I realized how heavy and burdensome my hurt was, that it would be an incredible load on me to carry such a depth of anger and resentment. But in order not to carry it with me, I would have to forgive the alderman that had been a part of it, which seemed like a monumental task in itself. I prayed more and before the meeting, that night, I bought a blank card from the store and wrote inside “I forgive you”. It was like a weight was lifted off my chest. Even if he never acknowledged getting the card, I had given my forgiveness to him with my heart and soul. Before the meeting, he sat down and turned to me. Tears were swelling in his eyes and he said “I didn’t think you were ever going to speak to me again, but you did more than that, you forgave me”. Driving to his wake, the hurt stirred in me again as I remembered the crushing pain of it all. Then I remembered what Jesus said, “Not seven times but seventy seven times”. I forgive you and I pray you will rest in peace.