On being AWESOME and apologizing

Is it the Journey or is it the Destination ?

It started in earnest on July 14th, 2010.   Just under 4 years ago.  A Journey 7080 miles long.  A virtual journey made up of running, biking, and swimming.

3 years and 9 months later.  I have arrived in Kinshasa.

Oh my oh my.  What a journey.   The buildup of our DRC Adoption from 2010 through #3's arrival in our home.  What a journey we've begun and continue on with her in our home.  I am not one to spend to much time thinking about things such as "Woulda.  Coulda.  Shoulda"  Or "if you had to do it all over again...."

No doubt my personal life, married life, and family life would be vastly different if the Journey that brought #3 into our lives and home never happened.  But there is where we are right now.  This is where I am.  In the here and now.  Looking at the present, trying to get to through the present.  To the next hour.  Next Day.  Next week.  Not looking back about decisions and circumstances that culminated in the present day. Not looking to far ahead as to become distracted about the here and now.

How does the saying go.  Yesterday is History.  Tomorrow is a Mystery.  Today is a Gift.

Now now.  put away those snarky thoughts an comments about "returning the Gift".    We may never know learn the reasons for this Gift.  But we can be sure that it was presented to us with Love and Expectations beyond our comprehension.

April 16th, 2014
Where to now?  The Journey to Bogota Colombia begins now.  Where will we be upon completion.  Only the Lord knows.  May our Journey fruitful and purposeful.

The Power of Art

Art is an expression of self in its purest form. When you intertwine an artist's passion to create with your deep personal story the art becomes an inseparable part of you as your body becomes the canvas and your trust in the artist grows exponentially. My journey began with a simple idea. In the beginning I wasn't aware of the profound impact this journey would have on me. How it would bring me back to life during my darkest days. How is would teach me trust. How it would leave me in awe of God's gifts and creation. How it would challenge me to be brave and to be the me I have always seen when I looked in the mirror. To my artist, my dear friend: Thank you for the gift of your incredible and hauntingly beautiful art. I am so blessed beyond words that our paths crossed and am honored, so very honored. If tattoos are truly a window to the soul, my tattoos have captured mine perfectly.

Free

Why spend your life building roadblocks? An extensive laundry list of reasons why you can’t and then not even try? I will scratch, claw, dig and blast through the road blocks that stand in my way. I will not live in the box of your design. Where there is a wall, I will fashion a door, a lock, I will fashion a key, no cage that shall hold me, I shall be free.

The Ying and Yang of Trust and Control

Type A personality is a term tossed around alot. By definition, it probably describes me to a tee with control being at the top of the list. Control and trust go hand in hand in a sick kind of balancing act. The more controlling you are, inherently, the less you trust. I struggle with this daily in my relationship with God. My trust in His will is secure so long as His will aligns with my will. But once it doesn't, my controlling nature takes over and my trust erodes. But that's not how it's suppose to work, is it. So I wonder, is a Type A personality really a personality at all or is it a symptom of someone who has had their trust in others destroyed over the years, and now trust is replaced with mistrust and control takes over. If I look honestly at myself, my trust has been eroded over the years and was completely lost due to the horrific incident between our children last April. When trust is lost, it is hard not to be consumed by control. This has lead me to try and control happenings under our roof, at work, with my husband, with friends, and with my relationship with God. It is depleating and exhausting constantly trying to micromanage everyone in your life. And as such, because I don't really control all those things, when they don't go my way, it makes me furious. A key element of this healing journey I am on needs to be re-building trust in every aspect of my life. So this week I took a huge step towards healing. While I had said, "I trust you" before, what I really meant was "I trust you to a point". I realized the words were empty as my trust was limited by my under lying control of the situation. It took every ounce of BRAVE I had this week to say, "I trust you completely" and mean it. This time it was different and I did trust completely and it feels AWESOME! Now that's something to build on!

Destination Kinshasa

200 miles to go...

Love Languages

T and I were contemplating what our kids love languages were the other day, jokingly. Admittedly, neither of us have read the book so we were kind of making up our own titles given the fact the only one we really remembered was “acts of service”. We agreed that our one daughter’s love language had to be “stuff” (not the official title, but the best description we could come up with for her obsession with material items). While I pondered this some more, I was reading a blog and this sentence really struck me: “Growing up I wasn’t looking down at the expensive clothes or toys you bought me, I was looking at you, my role model.” We can get so hung up on the material/activity side of things that we forget that WE are the greatest influence on our children. Not what we buy them or how many activities we put them in. So here is the challenge: Hold up a mirror today and ask yourself: how do I portray myself to my kids? What do my kids see? Do I value myself? Do I value my marriage and show them that my marriage is a priority? Is my life in balance between family time, couples time and other activities? Do I take care of myself, have a healthy lifestyle? Am I showing them the value of friendship through the relationships I have? Am I showing them my faith and love of God? Actions speak louder than words and children are keen observers. We are a reflection of what our children will become and how we live our lives is the greatest example we can provide them, far beyond thousands of lectures, material items or sports commitments. Make sure the reflection you see in the mirror is who you want your children to become. When we value and respect ourselves, our children will learn that lesson through our example. And if you don’t like what you see, take the steps to change it. Be Brave and Love yourself!

Vivir mi Vida!

Destination Congo... I can see the river through the forest

Its been a Looooooonnnnnng Journey.  Destination Congo 7080 miles.  And we are rounding the last turn. With close to 40-80 miles per week between running and Bike Trainer.  It could be within two week.  How much has my life changed since "Destination Congo" started.  I could blog on that for a year and not cover everything.  But its been a wild wild wild course of event between that start an now.  Excited to put this chapter to a close.

Cause I'm Only Human......Love me for who I am and not for who I am not

Christina Perri tweets: "everything in this video is on purpose. i wrote it. it tells a story. figure it out. xx" "fact: i like who i am #human". From her mouth to mine, I LIKE WHO I AM!