Wow! It is hard to believe that K has been home for only one week! With this post, I am going to try and be as open and honest as possible because there have been some big ups and some low downs the worst of which happened two days after she arrived when I announced to everyone at work that I planned to crawl under my desk and wait for the storm to pass. It has certainly been harder on me than with the boys who came home as babies, and the fact that I am trying, this time, to juggle time at work with time at home has left me totally and completely exhausted. It often feels like I am doing an extra poor job at both, but at the same time, getting away from the house and focusing on work for a day or so have helped to keep me sane.
I guess a lot of what I am feeling has to do with expectations. As a 3 yr old, I expected K to be able to do a lot herself, like climb up stairs, into a car seat, onto a toilet, like our 2.5 yr old can do. We are quickly realizing that she is not much different than a 12 month old in her abilities. She has no muscle tone in her lower body, can't walk for long periods of time, can't run, can't climb, so it is kind of like having a 30 lb 12 month old, she is pretty much dead weight if she falls. We were able to get into a pediatric orthopedic this past week and found out that at least the physical bones, etc are ok. She will start seeing a physical therapist this week. The issues with her legs, coupled with her not knowing how to "play" have been challenging. I termed it couch potato syndrome. Even with the two boys (thank god for our 2 boys, because if this would have been our first child, the challenge to get her up and moving would be even greater), she would much rather sit on her rump than actively participate in play. We all continue to encourage her to participate, but it is clear that her preference is to sit around on the couch. On a scooter, she can only go backwards and after 2 challenging hair-don't's, I realized that there is a circle about 3" in diameter in which the hair is only about 1/4" long. Both of these seem to point to the fact that she must have been laying on her back until she was quite old.
So the good, yes, there is good and lots of it. She is funny and engaging, she loves to be tickled and loves holding your face and giving lots of kisses. She comes over for comfort and has no issues looking us right in our eyes. A lot of the issues with attachment that I would have expected don't seem to be there. She will show indiscriminate affection, which is something we are working on, but overall, for just a week home, she is doing amazing. She has slept through every night and comes in with the boys to our bedroom in the morning to cuddle. And she is making progress. She is getting stronger with her legs, her sinus infection has cleared up and we are pumping in the iron to help with the anemia. Progress is definitely in a forward momentum. E1 has shown that he is a great big brother and he has been there to help her or show her something new. E2 has shown a bit of a jealous streak, and K and E2 and had some knock down drag outs over toys, but nothing out of the ordinary. We have ventured out to a restaurant, walmart, and a city festival with all three in tow and survived to tell the tale.
Lots of challenges I am sure we will face in the coming weeks, but at the end of this one, I no longer want to crawl under my desk, so that is a very good thing.
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8 comments:
The not playing... don't worry so much. Right now... it's shell shock. She isn't ready to engage. She's watching and taking in EVERY. SINGLE. DYNAMIC. There are 2 other things to be aware of re: lack of play. Once she is feeling better, stronger and realized WHAT she can do.. the desire to DO moves FAST!! That will happen in mad streaks as she starts getting stronger. I'd also suggest keeping an eye on this long term. Is she able/willing to initiate play with other children or adults. One of the red flags of Phase 1 development (Deb Gray's books) is the inability/will to do that. I think comes from the lack of engagement during those very young months-- picture this- mommy making faces and 6-10 mo laughing in response. Zerberts back and forth. 10-12 mo sitting on the floor facing dad- dad rolls ball to baby- baby rolls ball back. For kids who lacked this 'type' of interaction (continuously carried on back- little facial contact etc ) it can have attachment issues later on. (*Says the girl who's scheduling therapy for this very thing....)
Keep keeping on. You are doing a great job. Sending love and prayers for your family!
I'm so glad to read about how you are doing. I'm so glad that you have goods to balance out the bads.
You guys are doing great and are so attentative, K is a very lucky little girl ;)
www.aliciamariechristensen.blogspot.com
Thanks for the insight Shannon. Without other girls in the house, it is hard to dissern what she is doing with the baby dolls. It seems more to me like babysitting than play, at least not what I would consider play, it is more taking care of them, washing them, putting clothes on and taking off diapers. She gets very easily frustrated with interacting with them, it doesn't seem "fun" to me, more of like a duty or chore. She asked to go to the park today and enjoyed the slide and swing. No interactive play though.. something to watch for.
Maybe she's 'babysitting' her dolls because that's what she did with the younger kids at her foster home.
the way she plays (as if she's caring for the a child) with the dolls. Its clear that she's helped others take care of babies. Her bahaviors are much to detailed to not have watched babies a lot.
thanks for this post. we're hoping to adopt two boys from same country in this age range, so it's very helpful to know what others are experiencing.
Good Luck Mary. Its a challenge, adoptions from there. Same aged group raises some challenges also, and I know that J & I are not alone. A number of families are working through the 3's with some differing srategies.
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