Refugee Family Daycare

December 8, 2011

E2 and I volunteered today at a refugee daycare for kids learning English. They were pretty much adorable and we had a great time playing around. Having a daughter from the DRC, I could see some real fear and trauma in their faces and could feel the isolation as some of them look at the toys as foreign objects, unsure and unable to socialize with their peers and engage in play. E2, was pretty much a non participant. I had talked it up ahead of time as him being my helper, but once in the room, he made a bee line for the matchbox cars and never looked back. He did help clean the tables after snack time, so that technically qualified as "helper", but beyond that, he was pretty checked out and I think he was thinking and wondering when I might bolt for the door leaving him in the room full of kids that spoke little English. We are on the schedule again for next week but perhaps in a different class room, we will see. They will be doing a Christmas concert the following day which I imagine will be interesting with a class of trauma and fearful children trying to sing in English. A pray is going to be needed before that one. The strangest part of the day happened when we were coming back from the gym and a little girl passed us in the hall, she is like the identical twin of K, same age same built, same face, same hair, it was unnerving, she had a good 10 lbs on K, but still, a bit freaky. Unfortunately, as we left, a killer migraine was coming on and with no excedrin in hand, the 40 min. drive home was a nightmare as the migraine was raging by the time we got home, causing me to collapse on the couch and beg E2 to come cuddle with me which he would for 30 seconds until he decided he forgot something and would get up elbowing me in the stomach.....relaxing time to rest my head....ehh, not so much. Managed to hit the dollar store and stock up for our care packages for our World Vision sponsor kiddos which should be a fun activity for the weekend along with the toy drive.

A December of Giving

This December, we are doing something a little different. As the kids are getting older, it becomes more and more important that we live by example. So this December, we are seeking out opportunities where the kids can be directly involved in showing love, care, compassion and giving of themselves to serve others instead of just sending money. This journey started out as 12 days of giving, but with school schedules, that looked to be pretty difficult, so instead of setting a number, we are going to call it our December of Giving which kicked off tonight. I hope you will follow along with us as we learn by trail and error what work best and what lights the fire of 4 kids under the age of 6!

December 5, 2011 - Animal Shelter Volunteer Night

N helped on the Saturday before to pick out items to donate off the animal shelter's wish list. T packed up the gang after school Monday and we headed out to the shelter. The boys went with papa first to walk a few of the dogs while the girls and I settled in in the kitten room playing, cuddling and socializing the new kittens. The staff brought K and N an older kitten that one of the team thought was too far along to becoming feral and would be difficult to adopt. The girls both took turns petting the kitten. The vet was very happy at how the kitten responded to them and their touch. The boys stayed a bit in the kitten room after walking the dogs then headed into the adult cat room as that room was more active and the boys enjoyed playing more with the cats. One of the cats hopped on Teds lap and refused to leave, I said I think he thought, if I don't move, maybe this sucker won't realize I have permanently affixed myself to his leg. The girls and I headed over after a bit and loved on the older cats, one missing an eye and others clearly abused before they came to the shelter. One was an unbelievable look alike of my cat zoiee it was almost creepy. I think at one point the kids thought I had actually taken her to the shelter and that she hadn't died. After some poop scooping, it was time to hit the road as there was homework to be done. Overall, it worked well with the 4 kids and they listened to the instructions and followed what they needed to do for the most part, the only almost catastrophe was when E2 ran into the adult cat room and left the door wide open trying to get me to help with his jacket... luckily, no one escaped, at least I don't think so.......

World AIDS Day - Spread the TRUTH!

Turn off music before playing

Today's Therapeutic guide to Parenting

Rules to Live by, at least for November 30th, 2011 at 1:02 am

fun before frustration
sympathetic before sarcasm
accepting before anger
serene before screaming [yelling]
thankful before tirade

Others?

Lost. But almost back in the Saddle

After an Epic period of inactivity (I'm not a complete and utter fitness maniac, far from it), we are talking just over 2 months.  Wait I take that back.  If you ignore the 6 runs (mostly under 6 miles) that I did upon returning from Colombia, its been over 3 months.  I've decided to  stoke the fires and try to get back into some kinda shape.  No not really training for anything.  Just need to get that piece of the Trivial Pursuit pie back into it place.  Balance.  You know.

While I've still not really broken through on the running, I have managed to get into a quasi routine into taking some cardio classes at the fitness center.  Plus I've dusted off, and pumped up the tires on the trainer in the basement.  I've road enough that all my "old" saved Prison Break Episodes are over.   I can't bring myself to ride to kids movies, though I enjoy many of them.   So I borrowed "Lost" Season I.

I've never watched a single episode.  I was also interested, but it seemed like one of those series where if you missed a bunch of it, well, you'd be lost.  So now I've got my video's to watch.  And I'm getting the blood flowing again.  Hopefully enough to get the metabolism up just in time of the Holidays season grazing.  

So I was Lost.  But now I'm found.  Ok ok. that was bad.  How about this.  I'm back in the Saddle again...

With a cough cough here and a sniff sniff there...

We are still here if anyone is still reading this! LOL! It has been a tough fall with the battle of the illnesses around here. Poor N is so behind on her vaccine schedule, the first round hit her with about a 104.5 fever as a result of the MMR vaccine (we believe) but whose to know for sure given that a virus was going around that same time with the same high grade fever?? All I know is that none of the rest of us got it so I'm blaming the MMR. Exactly 4 days after she had the Varicella vaccine, E2 got shingles, oh that little man was in a heap of pain, 2 nights with ear plugs for mama and very little sleep trying to comfort him as he cried through the night. Turn out, not all that uncommon for someone who had the chicken pox when he was a month old! We also had our first conference with the early childhood center for K. Their IEP evaluation was really accurate and they are really getting a sense of what works and what doesn't work for her. I am continually amazed by the whole Early Childhood Center staff and program. They really "get" her and have put some many things together , I am just blown away. Maybe it's my engineering mind, but I never felt the explanation of "insecure attachment" was the be all to end all explanation of her behaviors we were given by her therapist. For example, one of the things we could never figure out was why she would just out of no where, bite another kid. It made sense when she was in some sort of disagreement with the person but the random acts never made sense to just explain away as her feeling insecure. As it turns out, she has trouble reading faces. She gets happy and sad, but emotions like excitement or surprise, so reads as mad. WOW! Its like the light went on and in my engineering brain, it all makes sense. She wasn't randomly attacking these kids, when she saw them running for a toy all excited, she very well perceived their expression as mad and a threat so she was protecting herself! There have been many more of these nuggets over the past few weeks and I feel like a lot she is making more and more sense to me and how she reacts to situations. Its all good stuff.

I am trying to put together some form of a 12 days of giving for the kiddos for December. I got the idea from another Congo mama who did it last year, but am having trouble coming up with 12 things that would be meaningful and interactive for our young kids. There are certainly not a shortage of needs, but many of the volunteer activities are better suited for older kids. Like they love animals but I figure an animal shelter would let a 3 yr old around stray animal? Looking for some creative ideas if anyone has some.

Forgiveness - Is it enough?

We were talking the other day about forgiveness and my heart and mind immediately went to thinking of K. It has been a hard few months for the two of us. So much of Colombia with her was about survival for me. It was a difficult situation with all the stressors from our Colombia adoption, to be therapeutic parenting one daughter while trying to bond with the other. Not an ideal situation in the least. And I have probably second guessed my decision to keep K in Colombia the entire time about a million times at this point because I am having trouble seeing what it accomplished. I had the patience of a saint with her for most of the trip, calmly singing to her and talking her off the ledge while she raged, scratched, hit and basically took out her anger and frustration on me. Coming home I just felt I needed a break. I had swallowed everything she had thrown at me and just couldn't take any more. I asked myself again and again, had I forgiven her for trying to make my life a living hell in Colombia and the answer was always yes. Its not like she was doing it on purpose, she has so little control over herself and her emotions that it all just spilled over in fits of rage. Yes, I have forgiven her. But I realized the other night that I needed more than just to forgive her. I had built a wall between us. While I LOVE having my 4 yr old slam her head into my chest hundreds of times while screaming at the top of her lungs so all of Bogota could hear her, I had reached my limit and the thought of doing a time-in with her so she could beat me up again was just something I couldn't even force myself to think about less doing. Forgiveness is one thing, but opening my heart to let her beat the breath out of me is another. Then I realized, she can't heal without my love and I can't love her though this wall. So my only option is to let the wall down and open myself again to love her though the hurt and pain she will try and drag me down with. I stopped the other day and watched her, wandering, expressionless at the Pumpkin Farm while all the other kids laughed and played and for the first time, since we got home, saw the brokeness under the anger and felt the wall between us coming down.

Untitled

Update from a Walled Castle

Sigh...big sigh....every week I look forward to spending Thursday on some great adventure with E2 and I find myself today logging into work and writting a blog post as we impliment a new disipline technique in the family which entails putting up a wall between yourself and the offender until they attone for the their actions. So we are going on 4 hours and while E2 plays unaffected, I am on the verge of tears missing my day with my little man. Yes it is necessary, and yes it is needed. E2 has gone too far with what papa and his teacher call his stubbornness which I am pretty sure it rooted in the trauma he experineced in his little life, but alas, here we sit with the hours ticking by and no budging on his side...sigh...big sigh...On a lighter note, K is settling into her 3rd preschool in a month after the other two could no longer deal with her behavioral problems. This is a smaller home daycare and seems to be a better setting that doesn't lump her into a 4 yr old catagory, but addresses each of her needs at the level she is at. We also completed her assessment through the early childhood program at our school district and YAHHHH!!! She qualifies for services!!!! 2 1/2 hours every day! We had a long meeting yesterday with so much info provided I thought for sure my brain was going to explode afterwards but the plan that they have for her to meet goals was dead on and we have great hopes that working wiht the new daycare, our behavioralist, and the school district that she will have the resources she needs to grow and mature and fit into a class room setting. Now onto the next issues which is that our 4 yr old aka E2 is the size of a 2 yr old and hasn't grown in the last year. So off we will go in December to a gastric specialist to try and figure out what is going on with him. I am hoping they find he has a stubborness bone stuck in his digestive track and if they remove it it will not only cause him to grow but give his aditude a kick in the pants! A girl can dream can't she?? Oh yah, least I forget our newest N, who is doing great in school and picking up english faster than a speeding bullet, she was knocked down by that wicked virus going around and peaked at 105.3. How do you say ice bath in spanish? Girl was NOT happy. She's on the mend for now, but has lots of vaccines to go, so I imagine it is going to be a long winter with the vaccines knocking her immune system down and her picking up every cold and illness know to man. Last but not least E1, who got a shining report from his teacher at our conference this morning that had little to do with his achademics. I know, he is AWESOME, I know, he is AMAZING....that's my E1!

Jonah oh Jonah, what can we learn from you

Interesting Reading of the day for today.  I've heard it before, perhaps many times.  But perhaps this is the first time I thought about it for a second.  How true for me,  getting upset over things I didn't create.  things I didn't nuture.  things that were then taken away.  How easy for me to get upset over the good things in life, that appear to be free, but then are taken away.  Unlike Jonah, I dont become "angry enough to die".  Surely angry at time.  A good message to take what we are given, and to be thankful.

Today's Reading of the day...

Jonah 4:6-116Then the LORD God provided a gourd plant.^* And when it grew up over Jonah’s head, giving shade that relieved him of any discomfort, Jonah was greatly delighted with the plant.7But the next morning at dawn God provided a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered.8And when the sun arose, God provided a scorching east wind; and the sun beat upon Jonah’s head till he became faint. Then he wished for death, saying, “It is better for me to die than to live.”7But the next morning at dawn God provided a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered.8And when the sun arose, God provided a scorching east wind; and the sun beat upon Jonah’s head till he became faint. Then he wished for death, saying, “It is better for me to die than to live.”9But God said to Jonah, “Do you have a right to be angry over the gourd plant?” Jonah answered, “I have a right to be angry—angry enough to die.”10Then the LORD said, “You are concerned^* over the gourd plant which cost you no effort and which you did not grow; it came up in one night and in one night it perished.11And should I not be concerned over the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot know their right hand from their left, not to mention all the animals?”^*