Respite and a Silver Lining

Respite is defined as : to grant a temporary period of relief to. Adoptive parents in challenging parenting situations sometimes need to call upon respite care for their children. It often gives parents a life line where there are few other options. Allowing both the parents and child a chance to regroup and a break from the cycle of behavior they may be seeing. I have written before about the challenging situation we are in with three of our children at a private school and our daughter who is struggling at the public school where she is provided the support system she needs and a social/emotional class room environment that will hopefully continue her healing. At first glance, I struggled greatly with the vacation and no school day schedules that didn't line up except on National Holidays. We have been engaged with K's very challenging behaviors that have been ongoing over the past 3 weeks, leaving little of us left over for our other three kids, and what is left is usually either spent or irritable. I could see the burden piling on them as K took more and more of mom and dad's time. Last week, the 3 had half the week off of school. A month ago, T & I had debated on who would take off work to cover all the off day time. Then it struck me, as much as T&I need a break from K, the other three kids take the brunt of it and they needed a break too. Not only are they in the thick of K's behaviors, but they also get nailed on the upswing when mom and dad have little left to give them. Where is their respite? I finally saw the silver lining. The private school off days they have while their sister is at public school are a blessing. It was right under my nose! I promised myself last week that there would be NO catching up on laundry, house cleaning, internet surfing, etc etc on those days. I would use those days to engage totally and completely with the three without K's drama taking center stage. So we did, and we had boats of fun, just hanging around. And they took full advantage of just being kids....like they should be.

A Letter from a Parent..

People that know our family, know that we've built our family through International Adoption.  Its a Blessing to beyond words for us, this family we have.  As with all families, like is not always a Rose garden.  It is no different in our family.  The primary challenges we face are not exclusive to families with Internationally adopted children, or adopted or foster children.  But the are more common within that group of families.

Life is a roller coaster.  It can be fast and furious.  It can be filled with anticipation, like just before the ride starts. Or relief, like after the ride is over.  What happens inside a home, that is not seen by everyone can sometimes be very different than what outsiders get to see.

Parents and children may seem aloof (not sure I have every used that in a sentence until now).  People, friends, and groups that were seen more regularly might not be seen much.  Routine restaurants and activities might not be so routine anymore.  There can be a great many explanations behind that.  But I would like to share this letter.  It was written by many Parents of Trauma (sorta a phrase that is used in the community).  It shares things in a way that few can express, certainly better that I could have expressed.

Peace

To hell and back again

I know, I know, it has been awhile, but to be honest, it has been a rough month. As i sat back a couple of days ago trying to collect my thoughts, I realized it was Sept of 2011 when we first saw how bad things were with K in Colombia when the proverbial shit hit the fan. We find ourselves a year later seeing one horrific behavior on top of another and for me personally, feeling like we are no closer to healing than we were a year ago. T, thankfully has taken the glass half full approach, in that he and our neuro-reorg practitioner feel all this is trauma coming out and now we can help her process and heal. That sound great to me, except by glass half empty thinks we are one step away from juevi or a group home for her. In the last week alone, we have been to the police station with her (she is 5, remember) and she almost electrocuted herself to death in a fit of rage at school. She is in a therapeutic class remember. Unlike before, when her school behavior tanked, her behavior at home remained fairly steady, ah yah, not so much this time. There are considerable periods of time where she is either checked out, in a rage, or in a state of constant hyper vigilance unable to stop herself from asking question after question after question, then the lying, she will lie about the shirt color she is wearing if it suits her. So many pieces and parts, is it the fetal movements with the neuro reorg unlocking something (if it is, that is a good thing)? the EMDR therapy? The school work? The change of seasons? I have no idea, and don't even know if it matters, the boat is rocking and we are holding on for dear life.

26.2 for ... oh some many things

26.2 for clean water in Africa

26.2 for our sponsored children in Guatamala, Ethiopia, DR Congo, Colombia, our the family we sponsored in Ghana.

26.2 for friends and family dealing with Cancer and any Illness

26.2 for Grace and Mercy in my own home, that we each grow and learn from each other from the Holy Spirit that resides in each of us.

26.2 for patience and virtue

26.2 for a lasting deep and honest Peace in the World

26.2 for those in most need of our Lords mercy and healing, through the perfect intercession our of Blessed Mother.

Thats what Tri for Hope, Sacrifice with Purpose means for me as I prepare for tomorrows Marathon.

Peace

Wow!

Sometimes the reminders are good reminders

Got a good piece of advice.  Heard it before.  Lots of times before.  But sometimes, its just good to hear things again.  We're human. We forget things sometimes.  Things are not always in the forefront of conscious thought.

"Just take one moment at a time.  Then one day at a time"

Can't get to the finish by watching the finish line, else we'll trip on the obstacles in the way.

[adoption disclaimer]
this post is not adoption related or related to anything kid initiated in the house.  Its just a Ted thing, about keeping focus a little closer rather than long term.
[/adoption disclaimer]

Peace

Neuroreorg, EMDR and Amino Acid Therapy

Well apparently we are now in the possession of the neuro reorg exercises that can unlock "Pandora's Box". We are not really sure what that means, but our interpretation is that the fetal exercises we have just started could possibly open the door to a lot of unresolved trauma in K that could come out in her behaviors. Having just started a therapeutic Kindergarten class, there are a lot of moving pieces and parts and it may be hard if a break down does occur, to determine whether it was the exercises or the transitions. So far, nothing earth shattering with the EMDR other than the bilateral stimulation really seems to help calm her when she starts spiraling out of control, so we have been working specifically between the neuro reorg and the EMDR to help give her some coping techniques when things get stressful that will work for her. The teacher even used the jumping technique today at the first day of school! K has surprised us in the last week expressing her feelings, likes and dislikes in a productive manner on a positive note, on a not so positive note, she has seriously ramped up her irritation of her siblings. I remembered something the other day from the trauma conference in that because our kids hurt so much of the time, they want everyone around them to feel as awful as they do. I realized that this may be what she is doing, and succeeding, so we need to pull out our tool box and do some thinking on that one. We will see how the rest of the week goes, she did rock the mohawk on her first day of school, very Grace Jones!

This picture is worth a 1000 words (but which words)

Is it saying...

Hanging by a thread...

(am or becoming) unraveled...

Bending but not broken...

I'm in a perfectly good mood, but I just loved this picture.  How often does it feel that its just the smallest of threads that are helping to keep it all together.  Just imagine what could be outside the scope of the picture that is at the end of those ropes.  Family?  Work?  The Whole world?  I like to think that in times like that, if a magnifying glass was put on that center thread it wouldn't say "Made in China" or even "Made in the USA", rather "Made in Heaven".    Comforting to know that no matter how hard we're pulled, and tugged, and felt like we're being torn apart, that the strongest fibers within us, will not, and cannot break.  We just need to have Faith and Believe.

Peace

Its and Ear thing.. er I mean nose thing..

The house has a wave of worn down, lethargic, cold-like funk going through it.

#1 is down with a non-mild sinus infection and ear infection.
#2 has been fighting it off
#3 had some coughs..
#4 is so far doing well.

Mama and Papa..  Mama said she's feeling a bit worn out.  Papa is planning on going to the clinic after work because OTC meds have not helped his cold in over a week, so I'm pretty sure I've got the sinus infection also.  And despite much increased sleep the past few days,  I'm still worn out big time.

Gonna be a fun first week of school next week with possibly have the family on antibiotics.

Serenity Now.   Serenity Now.

Despite that, were getting ready for a new school year.   We're transitioning to school time-schedules.  J is going back to work 5x per week.  I'll be 5x per week, but with Monday just being work from home.  We have a brand new set of NeuroReorg exercises to start on.  The Pergola I'm building is showing form.

Its like a hive of activity at that house, only somebody blew smoke at us.. as we're all wiped out :)

Building

There is just something about building something concrete, something that you can watch take shape, visualize, engineer, and work out details that give me a sense of progress and accomplishment. It has been a long summer with K and the negative energy around this place is palatable. So much so that the other night we went to celebrate the sale of our neighbors house and after few drinks i ended up sobbing all over our poor neighbor, nose running, chest heaving, gasping for breath, yes, it was quite a scene. She said to me that night "You are bigger than K's problems". The moment she said that, I knew that the fact that I saw K's problems as bigger than me, was a huge reason I was so depressed. I felt defeated, out of control in my own home. K's problems had become Goliath, looming over me like a mountain, I woke up everyday expecting the worst, waiting for the horrific behaviors, looking for the other shoe that I expected to drop at any second. I couldn't continue with that mentality, it was tearing me apart. Awhile ago, T and I had talked about building an pergola to make our deck more usable. So after some plans had sat on the counter for a few months, T started making some serious calculations, then he bought some lumber, then he started building and I started measure, and planning and moving CMU blocks for a raised patio for an outdoor firepit. It seems so simple, and some would probably consider it avoidance in not addressing my real feelings about K's issues, but there is something about building something, sweating, sore muscles, hauling heavy blocks and seeing something come together before your eyes that makes me feel strong again, like there isn't anything i can't accomplish if I put my mind to it. I am bigger than her problems. "I a prisoner for the Lord strongly urge you to live in a manner worthy of the calling you have received." Ephesians 4:1