Where am I going with this...

ok, between the new puppy peeing on the carpet, I think I have found some time to blog a bit and catch up. E1's Godmother sent me a book and journal for Christmas and in the chaos, I had not had time to start it. Well it turns out that I was at a conference 2 days last week and finally had a chance to dig in. In reality, i couldn't put it down and while, for once, I had the chance to go to bed early, this Ash Wednesday, I found myself trying to reflect on, well, myself. And so far, I have found myself asking myself what it all means. The point of the first chapter was to use movies us chicks love (aka, chick flicks) to point out that every woman wants to be romanced, wants to play a role in a great adventure and wants to feel beautiful. While I listed the movies I most enjoy, I found that besides Ewan McGregor being a constant in several of them, they were all, in a word, horribly tragic. Yes there was love, yes there may have been some romance, if you consider an encounter at a auto manufacuturing plant romance, but in the end, more often than not, someone dies, and dies tragically, leaving a gaping wound in the hearts of their significant other. Not quite the romance novel that the author speaks about or any sort of happy ending. Through the author's questions, this got me thinking about how strangly important it was/is to me in my relationships that I feel protected and would be saved, should a situation arise. I will never forget hubby telling me, walking in downtown Milwaukee while we were dating, (I was only 17 at the time) that if someone came and tried to rob us, that i should run and he would do whatever to protect me. In hindsight, the scenario was pretty far fetched, but I was hooked. He would be my champion, my hero, at least on paper and in my head. Years later facing a coral snake in Belize heading towards my inner tube, reality set in as I was faced with a life and death situation, it was every man for himself, including our guide who watched in horror as I tried to put as much distance between my tube and the snake. I ended up saving myself, there was no hero that came rushing in on a white innertube, throwing himself between me and the snake....there was just me. I am hoping that hubby doesn't read into this post as any kind of failure on his behalf, because its not, and it shouldn't be. In real life, I don't think it is realistic to expect someone to behave like some sort of Lord of the Rings hero at the ready with a sword should some Ork jump out from behind the evergreen when I am walking to get the mail. What I really am curious about is why this scenario is so important to me and why it is not good enough that after I saved myself from a snake once, that I can't rely on myself to do it again (should I be faced with some sort of deadly snake scenario, which of course happens all the time in the midwest). God, I am such a GIRL! I can't help but wonder if this ends up being a piece to that alusive puzzle I have been trying to put together for years...I guess we will see what Chapter 2 brings! Got to run, puppy needs to pee..again